Obviously, the title of this blog post is something I cannot comment on, because I am not a mom. However, I am writing this as a request to all moms who read my blog, and all moms that they know.
I want to be a mom someday - I really do. But deep down in my gut, there is a ferocious fear that consumes me. The fear of the unknown and the fear of failure literally stop me in my tracks every month as I contemplate allowing my body to grow, well, another body. As much as I "ooh" and "aah" over other people's babies, and get teary-eyed over diaper rash commercials, I cannot cross over into the world of motherhood for myself.
I am always so admirable of those who embrace the thought of motherhood with gusto and bravery. I remember having a conversation with my friend Sylvia C. about having kids. When I expressed my nervousness (is that a word?) about taking care of a small child, her face lit up with anticipation, as if she had been waiting her whole life for the opportunity. I firmly believe this is why Sylvia is a mom, and I am not.
For those who are wondering (hi, Mandy!), this is where I am. No drugs, no shots, no doctor's appointments....just me and my gut and my heart and my brain, duking it out, every day. So, I need your help.
If you are a mom, I want you to be straight with me. Tell it like it is. Give me all of the details, good and bad, about what it's like to venture into this unknown land called MOTHERHOOD. And if you don't mind, pass the link to my blog onto others, so they can give their two cents as well. I don't know if this will help me or not, but I'm willing to conduct this little experiment anyway, just to see what happens.
Thanks for your help!!
HOLLA -
7 comments:
Oh, Missy...
What an honor to be mentioned. :)
I am certain you already have everything you need to be a good mom. The changes of heart are not something you can plan for. They simply happen.
No... Planning has no part in the way your heart changes when you finally get to hold this little being that you worked so hard to bring into the world.
There's no way you can try and weigh the good and the bad. The scales are so tipped, it's impossible...
Of course my baby is more work than I ever dreamt he would be. And, although there are still 24 hours in a day, I feel the ones I can call my own are very few and far-between.
But, theres' a transformation of heart, which takes place. Almost like when "the grinch's heart grew three times it's size that day..."
Despite worries and fears, about timing, or finances there's nothing more powerful in this world than love. And, you, my dear have more than enough of that to go around.
xoxox
Sylvia
(PS- Posting about this on my blog right now.)
Hi Missy,
I'm Monika, Sylvia's sister. I saw the link to your blog on her post today and wanted to weigh in on the subject at hand:)
My daughter, Reilly, who is now 6 is one of the biggest blessings in my life. She is kind, generous, and loving. Mason, my almost 2 year old, is naughty and full of energy, and it's so fun to watch him learn and grow each day.
I think it's slightly inevitable to be nervous about such a major life change, but just keep this in mind:
You do the best you can. You work everyday to mold these little humans into good humans. It takes a lot of time and energy and you rarely get a day off, but the rewards are ENDLESS. I promise.
Will you make mistakes along the way? Of course. But like any other part of life, you learn from the mistakes and grow because of them.
I'm a firm believer in motherly instincts. You just can't explain them until you've experienced motherhood! I guarantee you will have them.
Good luck with your decision!
Hey there, I grew up with Sylvia and linked on to your blog. I totally understand what you are going through. I always knew I wanted to be a Mom someday but really thought I would be in my 30's and was in no hurry. I like kids but don't get gushy over babies and wasn't sure how I would ever take care of one. I liked my "me time" and was very independent. Then I found out I was pregnant... WITH TWINS. I was 26. I won't lie the first couple months were a lot of work and very little sleep for both my husband and I. Now they are 10 months old and I am totally in love with them. It just sorta happens. There are definately sacrifices but you don't even realize you are sacrificing half the time because you know its best for your kid/s. It is so much fun and I truely can't remember what it was like without them around. I also think it is important to mention everyone told me I was not going to be able to do anything once the boys came but we have remained very active taking the boys everywhere: baseball and basketball games, work events, school events, shopping...etc. Life is really the best its ever been. Good luck!
Being a mom is the one thing I've always known I wanted to be. My thoughts about careers have changed through the years....and some days I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!
I've always stood firm on the fact that being a mother is the one thing that I will always be...Even though I pray that I will always be "Andy's wife" there is NOTHING that can take away my title of "Tess, Kate and Jane's mom." That beings me alot of JOY and pride.....and responsibility!
You, without a doubt, have the heart and the energy and the complete ability to be a great mother. Not to mention, an amazing husband to be your baby daddy! :)
Yes.. you are going to question your abilities along the way...that is probably the hardest part of being a mom. It is balancing the memories of my childhood(good and bad) and the hopes and dreams for my girls' futures that cause me the most anguish.
I just pray EVERY NIGHT that the Lord helps me raise confident, happy, healthy, passionate and compassionate Christian women. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Have I mentioned how freaking much I want to be an aunt?
Seester aka SIL
These comments are great, everyone! Keep 'em coming!!
Wow- you have some amazing support and insight in your momma friends, my love!
I would say ditto, ditto, ditto.
When I think of the hard or frustrating times, the depths of my mothering despair, I would SOOOOOOOOO pay someone a lot of money to 1)take them off my hands for a few days or 2)take me out for a drink. Being a mom has made me cry and hurt in places I didn't know I could (literally and emotionally). My time is no longer my own. My alone time with the toilet or shower is no longer time to reflect in the quiet, but instead is often viewed by two very small people. I'm only listing the bad because those are harder to list than the good. But, even in my worst, most desperate moments when I thought I might lose my ever-lovin' mind and run away...I would never trade the honor of being a mom. Ne...ver.
xoxoxo
Hi - I don't know you - I just saw this link on sylvia's blog so I though I'd send over my 2 cent's worth as well. I'm 35...and have an 11 month old. My husband and I waited and waited and waited for all the similar reasons you listed in your post...plus a few others...we were so happy just being us together - and traveling and doing whatever we wanted, it was hard to make that first step. We weren't sure we'd be good parents..weren't sure we wanted to give up our time...etc.
Now that I have this bundle of energy and teeth, I really wish we'd started earlier...and even though this little guy has been a HANDFUL (milk allergy, acid reflux, eczema & other skin issues, ear infections)...even with all that - I WANT ANOTHER ONE! ha...and I NEVER EVER thought I'd say that, but here I am....telling you what other mothers told me when I would ask these same questions. Go figure!
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