When I announced to the world that we were FINALLY pregnant, the response I got from a lot of people was, "Well, you must have stopped thinking about it!" Or, "That's what happens when you stop thinking about it!" While this is SOMEWHAT true, I'd like to explain what I think really happened....
When Ben and I were "trying", and I was going to appointments, taking pills, having surgeries, getting shots, etc., etc., etc., it really felt like I was pushing my way through the process. I knew what outcome I wanted, and I really believed the only way to get there was to MAKE it happen. If I wasn't going to MAKE it happen, then how would it? My only thought was to act, and not sit idly by. I had done enough of that, and it wasn't working. So, pushing forward and doing as much as we possibly could seemed like the right choice.
We tried IUI (insemination) in November of 2009. When that didn't work, our specialist, Dr. Z., recommended that we take a break. In February or March of 2010, I would come back and we would try something else. More drugs, another insemination, and so on and so forth. The break was needed, and so we took one.
After a fantastic cruise to the Bahamas in January, it was time to start thinking about getting back on the horse. The only problem was, our baby debt was growing, and my soul was tired. Not only was I tired of throwing money at this infertility beast, I just felt that what we really needed to do was...nothing. No appointments, no drugs, no treatments. The pushing was exhausting, and I fell back into a place of surrender, tired and done.
This is the part that I want to be clear about. I did NOT stop thinking about having a baby. I didn't give up on the idea, or come to grips with the idea that it wasn't an option for us. I didn't occupy my thoughts with daisies and rainbows, and I didn't pretend that the desire had dissipated. I just let go.
I finally started listening to my spirit, which was telling me to, well, wait. All I knew was that waiting felt good, and pushing felt bad, so I started to wait. And while I was waiting, I started thinking about our life, with or without a baby. I knew that I didn't want to live my whole life feeling the void - the emptiness that comes from being childless. What if we never had kids? Was happiness still possible? I decided that no matter what, I would choose happiness over the void; peace over pressure.
I went to my annual appointment in July of this year, feeling peaceful. Unfortunately, I became quickly overwhelmed by the pregnant bellies and the babies and sadness and fear. I held back tears as my doctor talked to me about other (more expensive, not possible) options. He reminded me that, despite my endometriosis, pregnancy was still absolutely possible at any time. I listened and smiled, and when it was over, I couldn't wait to get out of there.
(I never said peace and surrender were easy.)
And then, it happened.
NOT because I wasn't thinking about it. As a matter of fact I was still thinking about it. A LOT. But it was different...though difficult, my view was changing. My outlook was shifting, and I was seeing my life through a different lens. From force, release. From strain, silence. From the fog, clarity. Arms folded became arms open wide.
I don't know whether it was a change of heart or divine intervention that led me to carry this precious blessing of a soccer player in my belly. (Most likely it was both.) But I do know that the lesson I learned through this process was more invaluable to me than all of the money we spent on progesterone pills and laparoscopies.
So, that's the story. I am STILL shocked, amazed, surprised, and thankful (and a little scared). And most importantly, I am being kicked in the gut by tiny little feet, right now as I type this.
GOD IS GOOD.
HOLLA -
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Haskamp Family Christmas Tree
Last weekend, Ben and I braved the Kansas City cold and wind (it was nasty) to get our Christmas tree. Every year except for one that Ben has lived here, we have opted for a real tree instead of taking the route of a fine plastic one.
Unfortunately, our favorite Christmas tree farm here in town closed, due to some bug infestation killing their trees, so we had to find somewhere else to go. We got a flyer in the mail a few weeks ago advertising a tree farm, so we decided to drive over and check it out. It was in the back yard of someone's house, and the selection was much smaller than the old place, but we still managed to find a lovely tree to call our own.
Here was Ben's choice:
Unfortunately for Clark Griswold, this one wouldn't fit in our living room.
Walking through the trees. This cute little guy kept us company, although later we found out he was the neighbor's dog...
After hemming and hawing over two trees for about 10 minutes, we realized that one of them wasn't for sale. So, we chose this one:
Here's me, pretending I actually contributed manual labor to this project. It looks like I'm saluting, but I was really wiping all of the sweat from my brow.
Finally, we got the tree home, picked all of the dead needles off of the floor with our bare hands (no, this new tree place did not have a dead needle shaker-offer), and found the right place for it. Notice the absence of the nice pointy tree top and the beautiful tree topper. When Ben was setting the tree upright, he grabbed it by the very top, and snapped it right off. After we enjoyed some finger pointing, laughing, and shaking of our heads, Ben found a great alternative by throwing a Santa hat on top. Nobody (or no tree, for that matter) is perfect!!
There's nothing better than sitting in the living room in the evening with the lights from the tree glowing around the room. Our home is small, and our tree is not grand or fancy, but we are so blessed and filled with joy this Christmas season.
I hope that, no matter what kind of tree graces your home, it brings you peace and comfort on cold wintery nights.
HOLLA -
Unfortunately, our favorite Christmas tree farm here in town closed, due to some bug infestation killing their trees, so we had to find somewhere else to go. We got a flyer in the mail a few weeks ago advertising a tree farm, so we decided to drive over and check it out. It was in the back yard of someone's house, and the selection was much smaller than the old place, but we still managed to find a lovely tree to call our own.
Here was Ben's choice:
Unfortunately for Clark Griswold, this one wouldn't fit in our living room.
Walking through the trees. This cute little guy kept us company, although later we found out he was the neighbor's dog...
After hemming and hawing over two trees for about 10 minutes, we realized that one of them wasn't for sale. So, we chose this one:
Here's me, pretending I actually contributed manual labor to this project. It looks like I'm saluting, but I was really wiping all of the sweat from my brow.
Finally, we got the tree home, picked all of the dead needles off of the floor with our bare hands (no, this new tree place did not have a dead needle shaker-offer), and found the right place for it. Notice the absence of the nice pointy tree top and the beautiful tree topper. When Ben was setting the tree upright, he grabbed it by the very top, and snapped it right off. After we enjoyed some finger pointing, laughing, and shaking of our heads, Ben found a great alternative by throwing a Santa hat on top. Nobody (or no tree, for that matter) is perfect!!
There's nothing better than sitting in the living room in the evening with the lights from the tree glowing around the room. Our home is small, and our tree is not grand or fancy, but we are so blessed and filled with joy this Christmas season.
I hope that, no matter what kind of tree graces your home, it brings you peace and comfort on cold wintery nights.
HOLLA -
Pregnancy Report: Half Way There!
Now that I'm on Christmas vacation (Hallelujah!), I can catch up on some much-needed blogging! Boy, do I have a list - I hope you enjoy my blog vomit for the next few days. :-)
Last Saturday, I hit the half-way mark of my pregnancy...20 weeks. This is really unbelievable for me - it doesn't seem possible that I am now on the downward slope! Things have changed a lot in the past few months - my appetite, my throw-up routine (yes, I still have one), my belly, my perspective...here's the run down.
For starters, I can actually eat now. This is a good and a bad thing, as in the first few weeks my body had me on a VERY strict eating plan, which caused me to lose weight and only put things in my body that were infinitely good for my baby. Now, the rules have loosened up a bit, and I am gaining weight back as I enjoy food that I loved to eat before L.B. showed up. It's harder for me to make good choices now, since EVERYTHING sounds good, whether it's good for me or not. I am trying not to be too hard on myself, but still remember that when I eat McDonald's french fries, so does L.B. (I'm sure he likes them, but it's not too good for his/her waistline.)
If you see me in pictures or walking down the street, you can DEFINITELY tell there's a baby in there. No longer are people looking at me with a perplexed face, not knowing whether or not to ask me "the question". If they can't figure it out, then heaven help them, because my belly is OUT THERE. I LOVE really showing now, and even though I stare at my belly constantly in amazement, I also think about the 19 weeks I have left, and how much I still have to GROW. This could be interesting, folks...I see lots of stretch mark lotion in my future. :-)
L.B. has now taken up permanent residence in my uterus as an athlete, because throughout the day, he/she is now doing jumping jacks, flips, jabs, and punches to let me know he/she's in there (in case I forgot). The movements have quickly gone from a very subtle wave or flutter to a judo chop in about two weeks. In the past few days, this activity has switched from a right-before-bed activity to a few-hours-before-bed-and-when-I-get-into-bed activity to "Hey Mom! You're awake! Do you want to feel the new karate moves I've been working on?" activity. I would give anything to see what is actually going on in there. Are they fists that are punching me? Legs that are kicking me? A head butt to the pelvis? Lord only knows, but it just happens to be the coolest thing that I have ever experienced. EVER.
Unfortunately, I am still paying a visit to the porcelain gods about once a day, in the morning. This doesn't happen every day (like today - so far, so good!), but usually, I can expect a barf when brushing my teeth, if my breakfast isn't filling enough, or if I wait too long to eat. When people find out that I am still barfing, they feel SOOOO bad for me. But let me tell you, what I am experiencing now in this department is a CAKE WALK compared to how badly I was getting sick about two months ago. I'll take it!
I guess that's it for now - I have a feeling that, after Christmas, this baby-growing business is going to kick into overdrive, and before we know it, L.B. will be here in our arms, and our lives will never be the same. There's so much to do - clean out the spare bedroom, which involves a LOT of packing and storing, find a day care, register for gifts, have some showers, take parenting classes, ultrasounds, more appointments, figure out insurance, and the list goes on.
Please pray for us as we continue on this wonderful journey that amazes us every day! In conclusion, here are some belly shots from the beginning of December. This isn't even accurate anymore - L.B. has since grown even bigger.
More pics to come...
HOLIDAY HOLLA!
Last Saturday, I hit the half-way mark of my pregnancy...20 weeks. This is really unbelievable for me - it doesn't seem possible that I am now on the downward slope! Things have changed a lot in the past few months - my appetite, my throw-up routine (yes, I still have one), my belly, my perspective...here's the run down.
For starters, I can actually eat now. This is a good and a bad thing, as in the first few weeks my body had me on a VERY strict eating plan, which caused me to lose weight and only put things in my body that were infinitely good for my baby. Now, the rules have loosened up a bit, and I am gaining weight back as I enjoy food that I loved to eat before L.B. showed up. It's harder for me to make good choices now, since EVERYTHING sounds good, whether it's good for me or not. I am trying not to be too hard on myself, but still remember that when I eat McDonald's french fries, so does L.B. (I'm sure he likes them, but it's not too good for his/her waistline.)
If you see me in pictures or walking down the street, you can DEFINITELY tell there's a baby in there. No longer are people looking at me with a perplexed face, not knowing whether or not to ask me "the question". If they can't figure it out, then heaven help them, because my belly is OUT THERE. I LOVE really showing now, and even though I stare at my belly constantly in amazement, I also think about the 19 weeks I have left, and how much I still have to GROW. This could be interesting, folks...I see lots of stretch mark lotion in my future. :-)
L.B. has now taken up permanent residence in my uterus as an athlete, because throughout the day, he/she is now doing jumping jacks, flips, jabs, and punches to let me know he/she's in there (in case I forgot). The movements have quickly gone from a very subtle wave or flutter to a judo chop in about two weeks. In the past few days, this activity has switched from a right-before-bed activity to a few-hours-before-bed-and-when-I-get-into-bed activity to "Hey Mom! You're awake! Do you want to feel the new karate moves I've been working on?" activity. I would give anything to see what is actually going on in there. Are they fists that are punching me? Legs that are kicking me? A head butt to the pelvis? Lord only knows, but it just happens to be the coolest thing that I have ever experienced. EVER.
Unfortunately, I am still paying a visit to the porcelain gods about once a day, in the morning. This doesn't happen every day (like today - so far, so good!), but usually, I can expect a barf when brushing my teeth, if my breakfast isn't filling enough, or if I wait too long to eat. When people find out that I am still barfing, they feel SOOOO bad for me. But let me tell you, what I am experiencing now in this department is a CAKE WALK compared to how badly I was getting sick about two months ago. I'll take it!
I guess that's it for now - I have a feeling that, after Christmas, this baby-growing business is going to kick into overdrive, and before we know it, L.B. will be here in our arms, and our lives will never be the same. There's so much to do - clean out the spare bedroom, which involves a LOT of packing and storing, find a day care, register for gifts, have some showers, take parenting classes, ultrasounds, more appointments, figure out insurance, and the list goes on.
Please pray for us as we continue on this wonderful journey that amazes us every day! In conclusion, here are some belly shots from the beginning of December. This isn't even accurate anymore - L.B. has since grown even bigger.
More pics to come...
HOLIDAY HOLLA!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Games! Games! Games!
Oh, how I love to play games. I love board games. Puzzle games. Video games...in moderation. Acting games, singing games, make you fall over laughing games, silly games, tough games...I love 'em.
Lately, as a brain break, I have been exploring this super fun website. There are always some oldies but goodies on here, but in the past few days, I have found two of the BEST games EVER!!! I can't wait until I get a chance to play them!
BUBBLE FILL!
FILL ZONE!
In the hustle and bustle of this Christmas season, take a few minutes and have some FUN. If you don't like these games, I'm sure you will find SOMETHING on this site to entertain you!
HOLLA -
Lately, as a brain break, I have been exploring this super fun website. There are always some oldies but goodies on here, but in the past few days, I have found two of the BEST games EVER!!! I can't wait until I get a chance to play them!
BUBBLE FILL!
FILL ZONE!
In the hustle and bustle of this Christmas season, take a few minutes and have some FUN. If you don't like these games, I'm sure you will find SOMETHING on this site to entertain you!
HOLLA -
Saturday, November 20, 2010
The House That Built Me
New song obsession alert...
I L. O. V. E. this song. For a few weeks, I would go to bed singing it and wake up with the melody running through my head. I love what it means, and I love the way it sounds. I love the way the writer (NOT Miranda Lambert, unfortunately) dug deep inside his soul and found a place that was empty and could only be filled by his childhood. I printed off the words and downloaded the song just so I could figure out how to play it on the piano (I don't have a capo for my guitar so I had to settle for an alternative) and I DID!
SEGUE - I love figuring out how to play songs on the piano or guitar, and then asking Ben to come into the spare bedroom and hear my performance. Not only do I love singing and playing for him, because I know he really appreciates and likes it, I also know it IMPRESSES him. He will sit there so patiently and intently, and after I'm done, he'll say something like, "Wow - did you just figure out how to play that on your own?" And I will say, "YEP!" with a big grin on my face like a five-year-old who just scribbled a picture with crayons and showed it to a proud parent like it was a Van Gogh. And he will shake his head and say, "THAT'S NOT FAIR!" And it makes me giggle. :-)
I L. O. V. E. this song. For a few weeks, I would go to bed singing it and wake up with the melody running through my head. I love what it means, and I love the way it sounds. I love the way the writer (NOT Miranda Lambert, unfortunately) dug deep inside his soul and found a place that was empty and could only be filled by his childhood. I printed off the words and downloaded the song just so I could figure out how to play it on the piano (I don't have a capo for my guitar so I had to settle for an alternative) and I DID!
SEGUE - I love figuring out how to play songs on the piano or guitar, and then asking Ben to come into the spare bedroom and hear my performance. Not only do I love singing and playing for him, because I know he really appreciates and likes it, I also know it IMPRESSES him. He will sit there so patiently and intently, and after I'm done, he'll say something like, "Wow - did you just figure out how to play that on your own?" And I will say, "YEP!" with a big grin on my face like a five-year-old who just scribbled a picture with crayons and showed it to a proud parent like it was a Van Gogh. And he will shake his head and say, "THAT'S NOT FAIR!" And it makes me giggle. :-)
Fear and Love
Before I got pregnant, I always said that the pregnancy part would be soooooo easy - I would just sit around and incubate, and wait for this perfect little person to appear nine months later. How tough can it be? That baby is just in there cooking, and I would be as happy as a clam, knowing that my body was taking care of EVERYTHING.
It was the PARENTING (not the childbirth) that scared me. What happened when that baby came out and I was suddenly responsible for it? How would I handle the crying and the late-night feedings? How would I be able to set my own wants and desires and responsibilities aside to care for another human being? What if I didn't do a good job? What if they didn't WANT me as their mother? What if I suddenly realized that motherhood was not for ME????
I'm here to tell you, the tides have turned.
First of all, let me say that I thank God every day for being pregnant. There is nothing that I wanted more than to experience the growth of life inside me. Sometimes I just sit and cry (okay, more like sob) in thanksgiving and humility to the Giver of this blessing. My heart aches with appreciation for this gift that we have received. If I spent every day, all day, on my knees thanking God for this miracle we have been praying for for soooooo long, it would never be enough.
But pregnancy is stinkin' hard.
I can't poop. I can't sleep. I can't eat what I REALLY want, and I'm hungry. ALL THE TIME. I go to bed each night with a growling stomach that will eventually lead to my stomach revolting against me in the morning. My first trimester morning sickness has turned into second trimester morning sickness. I get leg cramps in the middle of the night because I can no longer lay on my back, which I'm now realizing was my primary sleeping position BEFORE I got pregnant. I am crabby and grouchy, and suddenly have no filter for what comes out of my mouth. It's rare if I don't spout out some bitchy comment to someone at work at least ONCE a day. I have had puke experiences that would make the worst diaper explosion look like a sweet dream. I am not even kidding you - I can't even write about it on here because reliving them is too unbearable.
And yet...
I cannot WAIT to hold this baby. Just thinking about him or her actually BEING here, in my arms, for me to hold and love and stare at, is the most exciting feeling I have ever felt in my life. I cannot WAIT to be a mom. The best part is, I actually BELIEVE I can do it now, and that I will actually do a good job! Each day that my belly grows, so does my confidence. Slowly, the fear that consumed me is being replaced by this indescribable love for the child that is growing inside me. I'm starting to feel this invincible sort of power that I am guessing only moms can experience.
I'm not saying it won't be hard, but I know that, no matter what happens, I can handle it.
So pregnancy, I will endure you. I won't let you take me down, because I know what is waiting for me, and it is worth every restless night, fit of indigestion, and upset stomach.
And baby, hang on, because we are in for the ride of our lives.
I CAN'T WAIT.
HOLLA -
It was the PARENTING (not the childbirth) that scared me. What happened when that baby came out and I was suddenly responsible for it? How would I handle the crying and the late-night feedings? How would I be able to set my own wants and desires and responsibilities aside to care for another human being? What if I didn't do a good job? What if they didn't WANT me as their mother? What if I suddenly realized that motherhood was not for ME????
I'm here to tell you, the tides have turned.
First of all, let me say that I thank God every day for being pregnant. There is nothing that I wanted more than to experience the growth of life inside me. Sometimes I just sit and cry (okay, more like sob) in thanksgiving and humility to the Giver of this blessing. My heart aches with appreciation for this gift that we have received. If I spent every day, all day, on my knees thanking God for this miracle we have been praying for for soooooo long, it would never be enough.
But pregnancy is stinkin' hard.
I can't poop. I can't sleep. I can't eat what I REALLY want, and I'm hungry. ALL THE TIME. I go to bed each night with a growling stomach that will eventually lead to my stomach revolting against me in the morning. My first trimester morning sickness has turned into second trimester morning sickness. I get leg cramps in the middle of the night because I can no longer lay on my back, which I'm now realizing was my primary sleeping position BEFORE I got pregnant. I am crabby and grouchy, and suddenly have no filter for what comes out of my mouth. It's rare if I don't spout out some bitchy comment to someone at work at least ONCE a day. I have had puke experiences that would make the worst diaper explosion look like a sweet dream. I am not even kidding you - I can't even write about it on here because reliving them is too unbearable.
And yet...
I cannot WAIT to hold this baby. Just thinking about him or her actually BEING here, in my arms, for me to hold and love and stare at, is the most exciting feeling I have ever felt in my life. I cannot WAIT to be a mom. The best part is, I actually BELIEVE I can do it now, and that I will actually do a good job! Each day that my belly grows, so does my confidence. Slowly, the fear that consumed me is being replaced by this indescribable love for the child that is growing inside me. I'm starting to feel this invincible sort of power that I am guessing only moms can experience.
I'm not saying it won't be hard, but I know that, no matter what happens, I can handle it.
So pregnancy, I will endure you. I won't let you take me down, because I know what is waiting for me, and it is worth every restless night, fit of indigestion, and upset stomach.
And baby, hang on, because we are in for the ride of our lives.
I CAN'T WAIT.
HOLLA -
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The Invention of L.B.
So no, we are not finding out what this baby is. I am THRILLED about this. I always thought I would want to know, because I am one heck of a planner. But Ben talked me out of it, and with the baby name/sex surprises we have already had in my family, it's just a no-brainer.
So what do you call a baby that has no sex or name? L.B., of course!
It's no secret that we want a stinky, ornery, rough-housing, muddy little boy. There are no boys on my side, and on Ben's side, everyone has had boy-girl-boy-girl, so we'd like to stick with the pattern. :-) I had an older brother, so a boy first seems natural to me, and I've always pictured myself as a momma to a bunch of boys. Don't get me wrong - girls are great, and I love them. For some reason, though, having little boys just feels right in my bones.
On the day we found out we were expecting, I was wearing a khaki skirt and a baby blue and white-striped shirt, and Ben was wearing a baby blue work shirt and khaki pants. IT WAS A SIGN!!!! Since we were thinking "boy", we started calling our miracle "Little Blue".
When we went camping with my parents a few weeks ago, my mom was talking about Little Blue, and she started referring to him (or her!) as L.B. I loved it, it was easy to say, and so....it stuck.
So on my Facebook, or on this blog, if you read about L.B., now you know who I'm talking about.
And just so I won't look back on this blog and kick myself 7 months from now, I LOVE little girls and I would LOVE to have one. :-) :-) :-)
(but my fingers are crossed for that stinkin' boy.)
HOLLA -
So what do you call a baby that has no sex or name? L.B., of course!
It's no secret that we want a stinky, ornery, rough-housing, muddy little boy. There are no boys on my side, and on Ben's side, everyone has had boy-girl-boy-girl, so we'd like to stick with the pattern. :-) I had an older brother, so a boy first seems natural to me, and I've always pictured myself as a momma to a bunch of boys. Don't get me wrong - girls are great, and I love them. For some reason, though, having little boys just feels right in my bones.
On the day we found out we were expecting, I was wearing a khaki skirt and a baby blue and white-striped shirt, and Ben was wearing a baby blue work shirt and khaki pants. IT WAS A SIGN!!!! Since we were thinking "boy", we started calling our miracle "Little Blue".
When we went camping with my parents a few weeks ago, my mom was talking about Little Blue, and she started referring to him (or her!) as L.B. I loved it, it was easy to say, and so....it stuck.
So on my Facebook, or on this blog, if you read about L.B., now you know who I'm talking about.
And just so I won't look back on this blog and kick myself 7 months from now, I LOVE little girls and I would LOVE to have one. :-) :-) :-)
(but my fingers are crossed for that stinkin' boy.)
HOLLA -
Monday, October 25, 2010
An Apology
Dear Target Lady,
I am sorry that I yelled at you the other day. I'm sure you had no idea when you came to work last Wednesday that you would be called out by an insane pregnant woman. Not that there's any excuse for my behavior, but let me tell you what happened:
I was all excited about getting to go out to dinner on the Plaza with my best friend from high school. Of course, I wanted to see her, but the thought of eating my favorite meal (Cajun Chicken Littles) at my favorite restaurant (starts with Cheesecake, ends with Factory) made me giddy all day long. Then, my high school bf bailed on me. It wasn't her fault - something with her childcare fell through. Anyway, this slight change in plans put me in an emotional tailspin for the rest of the evening. Ben was going to be at work all night, and I was left to fend for myself for dinner, which to a normal person is not a big deal, but to a pregnant person whose cupboards are bare and who's cravings are more unpredictable than the sex of her baby, it's not okay. So I eat some edamame at home, then schlop to Target for some....I don't even remember.
Bad mood, shopping at Target. Get my stuff, get a new dress for my music program the next day (admitted mood lifter) and get in line. Only two lights on, three cashiers. I stand in a "lit" line, and watch the lady in front of me tell the cashier which bags to separate her 50 items into. As my hair is turning gray, the cashier with NO light on (Yes, that's YOU, Target lady) is running customers through like the Daytona 500. I stand and watch, curious as to why her light is not on if she's "available". The fair person in me says not to go over there, because her light is not on. This is somehow against my religion. Eventually, though, I get fed up with picky lady in front of me, and go to the lane with no light on.
Wouldn't you know, as soon as I get over there, you tell me, "I'm closed." WHAT THE $(%*%&^*($()$???????? I just watched you check out about 10 people while your light was off!!!! (Don't you remember me telling you that?!?!?!) Yes, my ugly face and voice came out with a vengeance. I don't recall ever talking to a stranger that way, but it happened, and I can't take it back.
After I made my way back to the "lit" line, which now had about two more people taking my place, the tears began to swell. "DON'T CRY AT TARGET. DON'T CRY AT TARGET," I tell myself. Get it together, basketcase. I check out (finally) and go to the car, where I proceed to cry as I drive around looking for something to eat. I am so distraught, I drive my pregnant butt through McDonald's, where I proceed to order a double cheeseburger and fries, and a water. All the way home, I beat myself up about feeding such complete crap to my growing fetus. I get home, plop down on the couch, stuff my face, cry even HARDER, as Steel Magnolias is on, and it happens to be the saddest part of the movie.
Eat, Cry, Sulk. Eat, Cry, Sulk.
Then, as if things couldn't get any worse....they do.
I lose it. My lunch, that is. Toss my cookies. Pray to the porcelain gods. Barf up about $5.00 right into the toilet. Awesome.
So you see, Target Lady, you weren't the only reason my Wednesday could not have sucked WORSE. You were just a simple chain in the link of unfortunate events that led me to mark THAT day as one of the worst days of the emotional roller coaster I like to call "Growing a Person".
I hope you accept my apology.
I am sorry that I yelled at you the other day. I'm sure you had no idea when you came to work last Wednesday that you would be called out by an insane pregnant woman. Not that there's any excuse for my behavior, but let me tell you what happened:
I was all excited about getting to go out to dinner on the Plaza with my best friend from high school. Of course, I wanted to see her, but the thought of eating my favorite meal (Cajun Chicken Littles) at my favorite restaurant (starts with Cheesecake, ends with Factory) made me giddy all day long. Then, my high school bf bailed on me. It wasn't her fault - something with her childcare fell through. Anyway, this slight change in plans put me in an emotional tailspin for the rest of the evening. Ben was going to be at work all night, and I was left to fend for myself for dinner, which to a normal person is not a big deal, but to a pregnant person whose cupboards are bare and who's cravings are more unpredictable than the sex of her baby, it's not okay. So I eat some edamame at home, then schlop to Target for some....I don't even remember.
Bad mood, shopping at Target. Get my stuff, get a new dress for my music program the next day (admitted mood lifter) and get in line. Only two lights on, three cashiers. I stand in a "lit" line, and watch the lady in front of me tell the cashier which bags to separate her 50 items into. As my hair is turning gray, the cashier with NO light on (Yes, that's YOU, Target lady) is running customers through like the Daytona 500. I stand and watch, curious as to why her light is not on if she's "available". The fair person in me says not to go over there, because her light is not on. This is somehow against my religion. Eventually, though, I get fed up with picky lady in front of me, and go to the lane with no light on.
Wouldn't you know, as soon as I get over there, you tell me, "I'm closed." WHAT THE $(%*%&^*($()$???????? I just watched you check out about 10 people while your light was off!!!! (Don't you remember me telling you that?!?!?!) Yes, my ugly face and voice came out with a vengeance. I don't recall ever talking to a stranger that way, but it happened, and I can't take it back.
After I made my way back to the "lit" line, which now had about two more people taking my place, the tears began to swell. "DON'T CRY AT TARGET. DON'T CRY AT TARGET," I tell myself. Get it together, basketcase. I check out (finally) and go to the car, where I proceed to cry as I drive around looking for something to eat. I am so distraught, I drive my pregnant butt through McDonald's, where I proceed to order a double cheeseburger and fries, and a water. All the way home, I beat myself up about feeding such complete crap to my growing fetus. I get home, plop down on the couch, stuff my face, cry even HARDER, as Steel Magnolias is on, and it happens to be the saddest part of the movie.
Eat, Cry, Sulk. Eat, Cry, Sulk.
Then, as if things couldn't get any worse....they do.
I lose it. My lunch, that is. Toss my cookies. Pray to the porcelain gods. Barf up about $5.00 right into the toilet. Awesome.
So you see, Target Lady, you weren't the only reason my Wednesday could not have sucked WORSE. You were just a simple chain in the link of unfortunate events that led me to mark THAT day as one of the worst days of the emotional roller coaster I like to call "Growing a Person".
I hope you accept my apology.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
More of the story...
Well, I am exhausted and have a headache, but Ben's doing laundry, and the Goonies are on, and a stupid skeleton I'm trying to make glow in the dark for my music program this week is NOT working, and the sink full of dishes is staring me down, so what better time than now to blog? :-) :-) :-)
I've opted against narration, instead choosing a "Q & A" type of format. Here we go:
When did you find out? AUGUST 27th
How did you find out? I TOOK A TEST AFTER I GOT HOME FROM SCHOOL THAT DAY. IT WAS A GENERIC DIGITAL TEST FROM CVS, AND IT TOOK LESS THAN A MINUTE TO POP UP "POSITIVE!"
How did you tell Ben? I PUT THE TEST STICK IN MY PURSE AND ASKED HIM TO GET IT OUT WHEN HE GOT HOME. I TOLD HIM I NEEDED A "PEN", BUT THE TEST WAS THE ONLY THING IN THERE! STILL, IT TOOK HIM A FEW SECONDS TO CATCH ON. :-)
How long did it take you? THREE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG YEARS.
What kind of treatment were you doing? NOTHING - NOTHING AT ALL. :-) (I will write more on this later.)
How far along are you? ABOUT 12 1/2 WEEKS.
When are you due? YESTERDAY, MY DR. SAID APRIL 27TH, BUT I'M BETTING IT'LL BE LATER THAN THAT. (WHAT DO I KNOW?)
How have you been feeling? LIKE SH*T.
Ummm...what else....Are you going to find out the sex? NO. WE LIKE SURPRISES!!!!
Okay, that's all I can think of right now. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask, and I'll answer them.
This is so much fun to write about..... :-)
HOLLA!
I've opted against narration, instead choosing a "Q & A" type of format. Here we go:
When did you find out? AUGUST 27th
How did you find out? I TOOK A TEST AFTER I GOT HOME FROM SCHOOL THAT DAY. IT WAS A GENERIC DIGITAL TEST FROM CVS, AND IT TOOK LESS THAN A MINUTE TO POP UP "POSITIVE!"
How did you tell Ben? I PUT THE TEST STICK IN MY PURSE AND ASKED HIM TO GET IT OUT WHEN HE GOT HOME. I TOLD HIM I NEEDED A "PEN", BUT THE TEST WAS THE ONLY THING IN THERE! STILL, IT TOOK HIM A FEW SECONDS TO CATCH ON. :-)
How long did it take you? THREE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG YEARS.
What kind of treatment were you doing? NOTHING - NOTHING AT ALL. :-) (I will write more on this later.)
How far along are you? ABOUT 12 1/2 WEEKS.
When are you due? YESTERDAY, MY DR. SAID APRIL 27TH, BUT I'M BETTING IT'LL BE LATER THAN THAT. (WHAT DO I KNOW?)
How have you been feeling? LIKE SH*T.
Ummm...what else....Are you going to find out the sex? NO. WE LIKE SURPRISES!!!!
Okay, that's all I can think of right now. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask, and I'll answer them.
This is so much fun to write about..... :-)
HOLLA!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Drumroll Please....
This is the reason I haven't been blogging.
Instead, I have been puking. And taking naps. And eating every 30 minutes. And puking. And crying. And dreaming. And sleeping. And disbelieving. (Is that a word?)
And last but not least, puking.
I have about 100 blog posts on this topic, but for today, I'll leave you with this glorious miracle of a picture, because it is enough.
:-)
HAPPY HOLLA -
Instead, I have been puking. And taking naps. And eating every 30 minutes. And puking. And crying. And dreaming. And sleeping. And disbelieving. (Is that a word?)
And last but not least, puking.
I have about 100 blog posts on this topic, but for today, I'll leave you with this glorious miracle of a picture, because it is enough.
:-)
HAPPY HOLLA -
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wordy Wednesday
The Merriam-Webster word of the day is "kismet". Up until a few years ago, I had never even HEARD of this expression, let alone knew what it meant. Take a look:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day/
My mom's old boss used to say this in reference to their relationship...that's the first I'd heard of it. Then the other day, Oprah said it when talking to Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. I guess if Oprah's saying it, it must be gold. :-)
Here's my attempt to use Wednesday's word of the day in a sentence:
Elise and me moving into the apartment in Maryville was pure KISMET - that's how Kurt and I met.
-or-
Who could explain how my fall wardrobe needed updating just when the New York and Company coupon arrived in the mail? It must have been KISMET.
Try it yourself in a sentence today. As a matter of fact, if you've got a good one, feel free to share.
HOLLA -
http://www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day/
My mom's old boss used to say this in reference to their relationship...that's the first I'd heard of it. Then the other day, Oprah said it when talking to Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. I guess if Oprah's saying it, it must be gold. :-)
Here's my attempt to use Wednesday's word of the day in a sentence:
Elise and me moving into the apartment in Maryville was pure KISMET - that's how Kurt and I met.
-or-
Who could explain how my fall wardrobe needed updating just when the New York and Company coupon arrived in the mail? It must have been KISMET.
Try it yourself in a sentence today. As a matter of fact, if you've got a good one, feel free to share.
HOLLA -
Monday, October 4, 2010
Happy Fall! And other stuff.
Whoooo, boy, have I been absent.
Chalk it up to the first few months of school, a busy schedule, weekend visitors, projects, and outings, etc., etc., etc. There are many reasons why I've been so lax in blogging, but I give you a few.
School is great. G R E A T great. I love my job SOOOO much, even though it is crazy work and creates exhaustion unknown to non-teaching humans, I'm pretty sure. There are times when I want to run screaming from the building, and there are times I want to throw my arms out wide and dance around like freulein Maria on the Austrian mountain tops. I suppose this is what parenting will be like someday, right? :-)
In other news, the world of the Midwest is turning to fall. I actually had to kick on the furnace this morning because the fleece jacket and sweatpants just weren't cutting it. Our decorations are NOT out, and may not be coming out, sadly. The fact is, we are hoping to put our house up for sale soon, and the last thing I want to do is drag a bunch of crap....I mean, stuff, out of storage and put it all over the place just to take it all down in a month to show our house. I am hoping this moving business will happen sooner rather than later, but more on that in another post...
I guess that's all I have for now. This week is all about Ben and his big day...his birthday. There's shopping and planning to do, and as much as my husband hates...I repeat HATES to celebrate his birthday, I am going to do everything I can to make it a big deal. That what being a wife is all about, right? Torturing your husband for your own personal enjoyment. Ahhh, married life....
:-)
HOLLA -
Chalk it up to the first few months of school, a busy schedule, weekend visitors, projects, and outings, etc., etc., etc. There are many reasons why I've been so lax in blogging, but I give you a few.
School is great. G R E A T great. I love my job SOOOO much, even though it is crazy work and creates exhaustion unknown to non-teaching humans, I'm pretty sure. There are times when I want to run screaming from the building, and there are times I want to throw my arms out wide and dance around like freulein Maria on the Austrian mountain tops. I suppose this is what parenting will be like someday, right? :-)
In other news, the world of the Midwest is turning to fall. I actually had to kick on the furnace this morning because the fleece jacket and sweatpants just weren't cutting it. Our decorations are NOT out, and may not be coming out, sadly. The fact is, we are hoping to put our house up for sale soon, and the last thing I want to do is drag a bunch of crap....I mean, stuff, out of storage and put it all over the place just to take it all down in a month to show our house. I am hoping this moving business will happen sooner rather than later, but more on that in another post...
I guess that's all I have for now. This week is all about Ben and his big day...his birthday. There's shopping and planning to do, and as much as my husband hates...I repeat HATES to celebrate his birthday, I am going to do everything I can to make it a big deal. That what being a wife is all about, right? Torturing your husband for your own personal enjoyment. Ahhh, married life....
:-)
HOLLA -
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The Art of Outdoor Worship
Today I had the honor and priviledge of being asked to sing at the Lake Quivira Community Ministry in Lake Quivira, Kansas. The chaplain at my school preaches there every other week, and they needed a cantor (soloist/song leader) today.
Even though it took us about 45 minutes to get out there (since Lake Quivira is on the other side of the world), it was such a blessing. A group of about 30 folks had shown up in their casual clothes and boat shoes, bringing pot-luck for breakfast and a heart of worship. As we sat and sang and listened, we could hear the waves gently lapping up on the beach right behind us. The sun was glistening on the water, and the docked boats floated snugly in their spots, just waiting for the afternoon activity that was surely to come.
Ben came with me, and I am SO glad. This, an outdoor service, is his favorite. Even with mostly strangers, we were a part of something special and wonderful today. And even though we were not at OUR church, we were at GOD'S church, and it was GOOD.
Holla -
Even though it took us about 45 minutes to get out there (since Lake Quivira is on the other side of the world), it was such a blessing. A group of about 30 folks had shown up in their casual clothes and boat shoes, bringing pot-luck for breakfast and a heart of worship. As we sat and sang and listened, we could hear the waves gently lapping up on the beach right behind us. The sun was glistening on the water, and the docked boats floated snugly in their spots, just waiting for the afternoon activity that was surely to come.
Ben came with me, and I am SO glad. This, an outdoor service, is his favorite. Even with mostly strangers, we were a part of something special and wonderful today. And even though we were not at OUR church, we were at GOD'S church, and it was GOOD.
Holla -
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Funny Thursday
Me: (asking a new Pre-K student who is from Denmark and doesn't speak any English something about music)
New Student: (absolutely nothing I understand.) (Keep in mind that I had NO IDEA she is from Denmark and doesn't speak a lick of English. Nice, huh?)
Other student #1: She doesn't speak English!
Other student #2: She speaks DENVER!!!
Other student #1: No, she speaks Spanish.
Other student #2: No, she speaks DENVER!!!!!
Other student #1: She speaks SPANISH.
Other student #2: Then why isn't she from CHINA?!?!?!
New Student: (absolutely nothing I understand.) (Keep in mind that I had NO IDEA she is from Denmark and doesn't speak a lick of English. Nice, huh?)
Other student #1: She doesn't speak English!
Other student #2: She speaks DENVER!!!
Other student #1: No, she speaks Spanish.
Other student #2: No, she speaks DENVER!!!!!
Other student #1: She speaks SPANISH.
Other student #2: Then why isn't she from CHINA?!?!?!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Free Hugs
Last week in worship, Our pastor spoke about loving others and loving yourself, and it was a great sermon. I don't remember specifics, but I was definitely invested. Then, he shows this video, which, according to the amount of people who have viewed it, you have probably already seen.
I'm going to post it anyway:
As I watched this, the tears just streamed down my face. My heart just melted around the whole of humanity, and my heart grew 10 times (not that I was so grinch-like before). At the end, to add insult to lovely injury, my pastor stood at the front of the church and held up his OWN sign that said "FREE HUGS". No words, no speech, just a sign. In seconds, throngs of people flooded the pastor. He hugged. They hugged. Others hugged others. I stood up and walked down to the front to get a hug from a total stranger (not the pastor!), and then made my way back to my seat. On the way, I saw a girl about my age sitting by herself, wiping her own tears. So what are two girls full of love to do? We stood and hugged, completely foreign to each other, but connected in a beautiful way.
The point of this long story is...spread the love. You have NO IDEA who might need your hug (or kind word, or smile) the most today. Just in case, don't be stingy. If this video doesn't make you want to run out and hug strangers, then maybe YOU need a hug.
In that case, just give me a call, and I'll be right over. :-)
with a Hug-filled HOLLA -
I'm going to post it anyway:
As I watched this, the tears just streamed down my face. My heart just melted around the whole of humanity, and my heart grew 10 times (not that I was so grinch-like before). At the end, to add insult to lovely injury, my pastor stood at the front of the church and held up his OWN sign that said "FREE HUGS". No words, no speech, just a sign. In seconds, throngs of people flooded the pastor. He hugged. They hugged. Others hugged others. I stood up and walked down to the front to get a hug from a total stranger (not the pastor!), and then made my way back to my seat. On the way, I saw a girl about my age sitting by herself, wiping her own tears. So what are two girls full of love to do? We stood and hugged, completely foreign to each other, but connected in a beautiful way.
The point of this long story is...spread the love. You have NO IDEA who might need your hug (or kind word, or smile) the most today. Just in case, don't be stingy. If this video doesn't make you want to run out and hug strangers, then maybe YOU need a hug.
In that case, just give me a call, and I'll be right over. :-)
with a Hug-filled HOLLA -
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Ding Dong
About a month ago, my friend Colby came over for a music lesson. No, I don't give lessons to children, much less adults (much to Ben's chagrin), but Colby is an art teacher, and we worked out a deal. He teaches me art stuff, and I teach him music stuff.
So I was sitting at my kitchen table with the stereo playing loudly waiting for him to get here. The doorbell rings.
"COME IN," I yell.
No answer. Then the doorbell rings again, but this time he pushes the button for a reeeeally long time. Smarty pants.
"OPEN THE G. D. DOOR!" Even louder I yell this time. (No I did not say the real words. Still, Lord, I apologize.)
No answer. Now he's just playing around with me.
I hop out of my chair and go to the door to let Colby in. Except it's not Colby. It's a missionary. Wanting to tell me about Jesus and pray for me.
I think I need it.
HOLY HOLLA -
So I was sitting at my kitchen table with the stereo playing loudly waiting for him to get here. The doorbell rings.
"COME IN," I yell.
No answer. Then the doorbell rings again, but this time he pushes the button for a reeeeally long time. Smarty pants.
"OPEN THE G. D. DOOR!" Even louder I yell this time. (No I did not say the real words. Still, Lord, I apologize.)
No answer. Now he's just playing around with me.
I hop out of my chair and go to the door to let Colby in. Except it's not Colby. It's a missionary. Wanting to tell me about Jesus and pray for me.
I think I need it.
HOLY HOLLA -
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tuesday Tunes
Here's a song by Dave, dedicated to the lazy days of summer, now drawing to a close. To all children, whose spirits are alive always. And to all used-to-be-children: may you never lose the child within!
Summer's Last Words
Today is my last day of summer vacation. I have to go back to school tomorrow...to early mornings and meetings and emails and hallway conversations and paperwork. And the best part - smiling faces. I miss my kids. I miss their laughs and their skips and their hugs and their funny stories. I miss their voices and their energy and their excitement.
I am ready.
To be honest, this summer was kind of weird. It wasn't the kind of summer that left me with a full, satisfied feeling...more of a awkward, unrested feeling. There was the June camping trip, and a week of summer school, spending time with my nieces for a few days, my daily jaunts to the library and the gym (let's be honest - the two or three, or maybe even one time(s) a WEEK jaunts), my 30th birthday, my 3rd anniversary. Good stuff...great stuff. But all of that excitement didn't even come CLOSE to lasting me a whole summer.
I don't do well by myself. I don't look at a whole empty week on my calendar and jump with joy at the possibilities. It makes me anxious and panicky. I prefer a week stocked full of appointments and meetings, lunches and evening activities. I want human interaction; I need to converse with multiple people on a regular basis.
Inactivity is brutal. Activity is LIFE.
Thank God for transitions, for awkward times and the wriggling out of old skin and into the new.
HOLLA -
I am ready.
To be honest, this summer was kind of weird. It wasn't the kind of summer that left me with a full, satisfied feeling...more of a awkward, unrested feeling. There was the June camping trip, and a week of summer school, spending time with my nieces for a few days, my daily jaunts to the library and the gym (let's be honest - the two or three, or maybe even one time(s) a WEEK jaunts), my 30th birthday, my 3rd anniversary. Good stuff...great stuff. But all of that excitement didn't even come CLOSE to lasting me a whole summer.
I don't do well by myself. I don't look at a whole empty week on my calendar and jump with joy at the possibilities. It makes me anxious and panicky. I prefer a week stocked full of appointments and meetings, lunches and evening activities. I want human interaction; I need to converse with multiple people on a regular basis.
Inactivity is brutal. Activity is LIFE.
Thank God for transitions, for awkward times and the wriggling out of old skin and into the new.
HOLLA -
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday Tunes
Heard this one on the radio today, then checked my friend Sylvia's blog, and wouldn't you know? There it is again!
I'm pretty sure I've heard this before, but it really caught my attention today. I don't know anyone in any situation in the world that couldn't use this message.
Love, love, love.....
Here's the singer, Matt Maher, explaining the story behind the song. Good stuff.
If there was one thing that I would want people in the world to know, it would be love. God is love. Love your neighbor, love your enemy, love your friend, love, love, love.
With a happy heart,
I HOLLA -
I'm pretty sure I've heard this before, but it really caught my attention today. I don't know anyone in any situation in the world that couldn't use this message.
Love, love, love.....
Here's the singer, Matt Maher, explaining the story behind the song. Good stuff.
If there was one thing that I would want people in the world to know, it would be love. God is love. Love your neighbor, love your enemy, love your friend, love, love, love.
With a happy heart,
I HOLLA -
Dirty 30 Recap
Great birthday, folks...great birthday. On my actual birthday, last Wednesday, I woke up to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups all the way down the stairs to the kitchen table, where there was a huge pile of MORE candy, a magazine, and a card from...the love of my life, of course!
Yoga, Lunch with Ben (the love of my life, in case you were wondering), and shopping at Town Center. I'm not a big "spend the majority of my birthday by myself" kind of a gal, but I had enough shopping with coupons and gift cards (thanks Elise! I guess getting a gift card is a close second to you taking me to Worlds of Fun when you're not on your HONEYMOON), so I was pleeeeennnnnty busy.
Home, dinner out, birthday cupcake (that I was too full to eat), and the end of a GREAT day.
Fast forward to Sunday, my birthday party. Ben rented out the skating rink that I grew up skating at, and with the help of fifty or so friends and family, we rocked that rink like a hurricane. Again, props to this guy for putting it all together.
Oh yes, ladies...he's all mine. Mullet and all.
30 is great so far, and I am anxious for what lies ahead, both in my mind and heart, and in the eyes of the Creator who, no doubt, has something planned for me beyond my WiLdEsT imagination.
HOLLA -
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday Tunes
Yes, I realize that I am posting this on a Wednesday, but, better late than never.
I've had Jason Mraz in my head today, from playing my stereo on shuffle, and then listening to him on my iPod while getting ready. By far, Jason Mraz is the most talented singer and most dynamic performer I have seen in a LONG time...maybe ever. (Well, there was that Harry Connick Jr. concert in high school...) (No, that was not a joke.)
Ben and I caught Jason Mraz last summer at Starlight, and I was so honestly pulled in by his stage presence that it took me at least a few days to come down from it. I think we all know what it's like to be in that place, and it's electric.
Here's a little accoustic nugget for your Wednesday enjoyment. It's probably not his best vocal performance, but it's a nice live sample.
HOLLA -
I've had Jason Mraz in my head today, from playing my stereo on shuffle, and then listening to him on my iPod while getting ready. By far, Jason Mraz is the most talented singer and most dynamic performer I have seen in a LONG time...maybe ever. (Well, there was that Harry Connick Jr. concert in high school...) (No, that was not a joke.)
Ben and I caught Jason Mraz last summer at Starlight, and I was so honestly pulled in by his stage presence that it took me at least a few days to come down from it. I think we all know what it's like to be in that place, and it's electric.
Here's a little accoustic nugget for your Wednesday enjoyment. It's probably not his best vocal performance, but it's a nice live sample.
HOLLA -
Moving Forward - Homework
I recently read this excerpt from Eckart Tolle's book Stillness Speaks. It reads:
Most people's lives are run by desire and fear.
Desire is the need to add something to yourself in order to be yourself more fully. All fear is the fear of losing something and thereby becoming diminished and being less.
These two movements obscure the fact that Being cannot be given or taken away. Being in its fullness is already within you, Now.
This thought greatly resonated with me. I can apply this to my life in an infinite number of ways. For example, "I wish we could get that (fill in the blank) that we want. If we could get it, life would be so much better...so rich and full of joy."
Or, in an alternate context, "If (fill in the situation) happens in a certain way, then (fill in the name(s)) will think that I am (fill in the blank)."
It seems that life is spent running this race that ultimately leads to nowhere, leaving a wake of lost moments and unnecessary thinking. Being here, now, is the only way to truly break this cycle and free oneself from the chains of "want" or "fear".
This is my own personal homework, and it IS working. Thinking about what I don't have leaves me feeling "less than", which is a rediculously horrible way to live. WHO I AM IS ENOUGH. And fear....well, that is my new "F" word.
HOLLA -
Most people's lives are run by desire and fear.
Desire is the need to add something to yourself in order to be yourself more fully. All fear is the fear of losing something and thereby becoming diminished and being less.
These two movements obscure the fact that Being cannot be given or taken away. Being in its fullness is already within you, Now.
This thought greatly resonated with me. I can apply this to my life in an infinite number of ways. For example, "I wish we could get that (fill in the blank) that we want. If we could get it, life would be so much better...so rich and full of joy."
Or, in an alternate context, "If (fill in the situation) happens in a certain way, then (fill in the name(s)) will think that I am (fill in the blank)."
It seems that life is spent running this race that ultimately leads to nowhere, leaving a wake of lost moments and unnecessary thinking. Being here, now, is the only way to truly break this cycle and free oneself from the chains of "want" or "fear".
This is my own personal homework, and it IS working. Thinking about what I don't have leaves me feeling "less than", which is a rediculously horrible way to live. WHO I AM IS ENOUGH. And fear....well, that is my new "F" word.
HOLLA -
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Word of the 20's
So, I'm about to leave my 20's in a few weeks. I can't WAIT. I feel that my 30's are going to bring about wonderfun. HA! That was a typo, but I think I'll keep it. Wonderfun. :-)
The other day, I was watching the Today Show, and a guest kept talking about ambivalence, and I thought, "I'm not sure what that exactly means." So I looked it up on one of my favorite websites, and it said "simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings." And I thought, "Well, that was my 20's!"
So here's to the next 10 years (starting in a few weeks). Goodbye to ambivalence, hello to a sure foot and a sound mind.
HOLLA!
p.s. - check out the website for the word game of the day, and the word of the day. Today's word is "burgle". Just saying that out loud makes me laugh. :-)
The other day, I was watching the Today Show, and a guest kept talking about ambivalence, and I thought, "I'm not sure what that exactly means." So I looked it up on one of my favorite websites, and it said "simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings." And I thought, "Well, that was my 20's!"
So here's to the next 10 years (starting in a few weeks). Goodbye to ambivalence, hello to a sure foot and a sound mind.
HOLLA!
p.s. - check out the website for the word game of the day, and the word of the day. Today's word is "burgle". Just saying that out loud makes me laugh. :-)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Happy Anniversary to Us!
Happy Anniversary to the kindest, most gentle, loving, strong, supportive, funny, goofy, helpful, trusting, respectful, amazing, gorgeous (he doesn't like that word!), Godly, wonderful man I have ever met.
Three years ago on this day, my new life began. I can't imagine loving anyone more.
I LOVE YOU, BEN!
HOLLA -
Three years ago on this day, my new life began. I can't imagine loving anyone more.
I LOVE YOU, BEN!
HOLLA -
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Tuesday Tunes
I've decided that, on Tuesdays, I'm going to post some music that I've been listening to. Maybe I'll blog more consistently if my daily entries have a purpose. :-) I went with my good friend Anne to see Sex and the City 2 a few weeks ago, and this song played at the beginning and end of the movie. I went home and downloaded it, and it's played about 100 times in my car, I'm pretty sure.
There are two reasons I like this song so much: The melody and the beat, which are hella contagious, and the fact that it's about NYC, one of my favorite places EVER. I don't know what it is about New York that I'm so obsessed with, but I always want to go there, and I even dream about it a lot. WEIRD!!! Both times that I've been, it was surreal and magical, like I was in a different country. It's just so overwhelming and kind of scary, but when I leave I always want to go right back (to visit, never to live).
Anyway, Here's some J for you. ENJOY!
There are two reasons I like this song so much: The melody and the beat, which are hella contagious, and the fact that it's about NYC, one of my favorite places EVER. I don't know what it is about New York that I'm so obsessed with, but I always want to go there, and I even dream about it a lot. WEIRD!!! Both times that I've been, it was surreal and magical, like I was in a different country. It's just so overwhelming and kind of scary, but when I leave I always want to go right back (to visit, never to live).
Anyway, Here's some J for you. ENJOY!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Summer Fun
I've been working on a few projects over the last few days. Crafts are a great way to spend time doing something I love, and it's cheap entertainment. :-) Here's a board I made:
I already had a little corkboard that needed sprucing up, so I weaved ribbon over it until it was completely covered. Then I glued letters and other fun little pieces to push pins, and voila! I chose "get up" because those are some of the only letters I've glued so far, and also it's a problem I've been having...getting up. I think I could sleep most days away, because when you don't have anything to get up for, what's better then sprawling out on some comfy sheets and falling in and out of peaceful dreaming? Today I set my alarm for 8:30 and got out of bed at 10:00. I am a sucker for sleep. :-)
I babysat my three lovely nieces last week, and their momma (my SIL) bought a bead kit for us to make stuff out of. How badly I wanted to craft some cute little animal out of them, but I didn't know how! Last night I got to Googling and found some simple patterns for free. I found some beads and string, and in an hour or so, I had these three guys!
I have to say that the gecko is my favorite. Today I'm off to Hobby Lobby for some more beads and string. I have no idea why these are so fun, but I LOVE MAKING THEM!!!
I've also been...coloring. I'm sorry, but you're never too old to color. My mom got me this rad coloring book made by a lady she knows. It's so fun to get out every once in a while and give life to one of the pages. Here's one I finished yesterday:
Love it! I laid the book down on my step where the sun from the window was coming through. Cool effect, huh?
So that's what I've been working on. What will I make today? :-) :-) :-)
HOLLA -
I already had a little corkboard that needed sprucing up, so I weaved ribbon over it until it was completely covered. Then I glued letters and other fun little pieces to push pins, and voila! I chose "get up" because those are some of the only letters I've glued so far, and also it's a problem I've been having...getting up. I think I could sleep most days away, because when you don't have anything to get up for, what's better then sprawling out on some comfy sheets and falling in and out of peaceful dreaming? Today I set my alarm for 8:30 and got out of bed at 10:00. I am a sucker for sleep. :-)
I babysat my three lovely nieces last week, and their momma (my SIL) bought a bead kit for us to make stuff out of. How badly I wanted to craft some cute little animal out of them, but I didn't know how! Last night I got to Googling and found some simple patterns for free. I found some beads and string, and in an hour or so, I had these three guys!
I have to say that the gecko is my favorite. Today I'm off to Hobby Lobby for some more beads and string. I have no idea why these are so fun, but I LOVE MAKING THEM!!!
I've also been...coloring. I'm sorry, but you're never too old to color. My mom got me this rad coloring book made by a lady she knows. It's so fun to get out every once in a while and give life to one of the pages. Here's one I finished yesterday:
Love it! I laid the book down on my step where the sun from the window was coming through. Cool effect, huh?
So that's what I've been working on. What will I make today? :-) :-) :-)
HOLLA -
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Happy July!
July is HERE! My favorite month of the year is upon us, and I am reeling with anticipation at what it will bring. Here are some foreseen highlights:
4th of July. We have gone to my parents' house for the past few years, and it has always been a great time. Ben has even gotten into purchasing some bulk fireworks from a guy at work, and the show has gotten more elaborate each year!
Our Anniversary. Three years, going strong! It's been hard work so far, let me tell ya. :-) I have no idea what we'll do...heck, we can't even remember what we did last year! (Maybe I should do some digging in this blog to see if I can solve the mystery...) Anyway, this always falls during the week of our church's VBS, much to Ben's chagrin. Regardless, I'll be happy to spend some time focusing on that cute, blue-eyed boy that I married. BLISS!
My B-day! Best holiday of the year. :-) I take it as a true compromise that, since I never got a "school" party, I get to spend my b-day outside in the sun, swimming or doing some other delightful activity. I LOVE my summer birthday. Let's not forget to mention that this is the big 3-0!!!! Joyous party to commence. :-)
All predictability aside, I am counting on July to be fantastic.
Hope yours is, too! :-)
HOLLA -
4th of July. We have gone to my parents' house for the past few years, and it has always been a great time. Ben has even gotten into purchasing some bulk fireworks from a guy at work, and the show has gotten more elaborate each year!
Our Anniversary. Three years, going strong! It's been hard work so far, let me tell ya. :-) I have no idea what we'll do...heck, we can't even remember what we did last year! (Maybe I should do some digging in this blog to see if I can solve the mystery...) Anyway, this always falls during the week of our church's VBS, much to Ben's chagrin. Regardless, I'll be happy to spend some time focusing on that cute, blue-eyed boy that I married. BLISS!
My B-day! Best holiday of the year. :-) I take it as a true compromise that, since I never got a "school" party, I get to spend my b-day outside in the sun, swimming or doing some other delightful activity. I LOVE my summer birthday. Let's not forget to mention that this is the big 3-0!!!! Joyous party to commence. :-)
All predictability aside, I am counting on July to be fantastic.
Hope yours is, too! :-)
HOLLA -
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Charity
Yesterday, my dear friend Patty and I went out to lunch at my most favorite place in the world, the Cheesecake Factory. I'm not really sure why they call it a "Factory" - it's a very nice place that has nothing to do with big robotic machines or smokestacks. If it was any kind of factory, it should be called the Fat Factory, because that's what I get after I eat there. Anyway, we had the most adorable waiter...not the "OMG - he's so hot" kind of waiter, but the "he is as cute as a button" kind of waiter. His name was Johnny. He had some kind of cute accent, and you would have thought that working at the Cheesecake Factory was comparable to winning the lottery, in his eyes. After a delicious lunch, we paid and Patty decided to give him a $20 tip, which was about 50% of our bill. SO NICE, and he deserved it. He came by after taking our payment, just to thank us for the nice gesture. He was SOOOOOO grateful! So grateful in fact, that Patty pulled out another $20 and sent it over to him.
This gesture pretty much sent me on a natural high for the rest of the day. Such kindness given to someone who did nothing but show us the same. I admire Patty so much for her generous heart, and her compassion for others. I am inspired to commit simple acts of kindness myself as much as possible, knowing not only how good it feels, but how important it is to contribute to the good will of society as a whole.
HELPING HOLLA -
This gesture pretty much sent me on a natural high for the rest of the day. Such kindness given to someone who did nothing but show us the same. I admire Patty so much for her generous heart, and her compassion for others. I am inspired to commit simple acts of kindness myself as much as possible, knowing not only how good it feels, but how important it is to contribute to the good will of society as a whole.
HELPING HOLLA -
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Letting Go
I've been working on a little personal project as of late. It's common for me to get all bunched up about things (pretty easily), and let the bad energy float around for awhile. This is unhealthy, I know, so I've been "exercising" my ability to let go and flush out the junk and let the peace flow in. It seems that I am tested on this just about every day, so it hasn't been easy.
Situation at work....flush it out. Frustrating and disappointing words heard/said/read...flush it out. Fear of the ghost that keeps tinkering around in my house (yes, it happened again today)...flush it out. Everyday troubles....flush it out. Let the peace rolllllllllllllll in. When I take time to consciously do this instead of reacting, I usually find the peace settles in much easier.
Ahhh.
Sometimes it's hard to know if what I'm feeling is legitimate. Maybe there's something that deserves some of my energy. A good test for this is to focus on the "thing" and see what kind of feeling it brings. Good, peaceful feeling = keep it. Hold on to it. Bad, ugly, unsettling feeling = flush it out.
I usually find that waiting and watching for peace allows the "situation" to resolve itself without my help, which is pretty fantastic.
Stay tuned for more observations on peace and letting go.
HOLLA -
Situation at work....flush it out. Frustrating and disappointing words heard/said/read...flush it out. Fear of the ghost that keeps tinkering around in my house (yes, it happened again today)...flush it out. Everyday troubles....flush it out. Let the peace rolllllllllllllll in. When I take time to consciously do this instead of reacting, I usually find the peace settles in much easier.
Ahhh.
Sometimes it's hard to know if what I'm feeling is legitimate. Maybe there's something that deserves some of my energy. A good test for this is to focus on the "thing" and see what kind of feeling it brings. Good, peaceful feeling = keep it. Hold on to it. Bad, ugly, unsettling feeling = flush it out.
I usually find that waiting and watching for peace allows the "situation" to resolve itself without my help, which is pretty fantastic.
Stay tuned for more observations on peace and letting go.
HOLLA -
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Ghost House
Last night, we get back from camping. I am unpacking the stuff in the cooler to the fridge, and Ben is carrying stuff upstairs. He yells down to me, "Did you turn the t.v. on in the spare bedroom?"
This has happened before, at least two times. We come home from being gone somewhere, and we hear the t.v. on upstairs. We go up there, and there it is, usually on some sports channel. We turn it off, and go about our business.
This time it was the computer monitor, which is also a t.v. On sports.
I don't mind Kurt watching t.v., I just wish he was able to turn it off.
I think it's time to move.
HOLLA -
This has happened before, at least two times. We come home from being gone somewhere, and we hear the t.v. on upstairs. We go up there, and there it is, usually on some sports channel. We turn it off, and go about our business.
This time it was the computer monitor, which is also a t.v. On sports.
I don't mind Kurt watching t.v., I just wish he was able to turn it off.
I think it's time to move.
HOLLA -
Friday, June 4, 2010
Last Weekend in Pictures
SHATTO MILK - Osborn, MO
CELEBRATION AT THE STATION - KC
THIS WEEKEND...MORE OF THESE.
HOLLA -
CELEBRATION AT THE STATION - KC
THIS WEEKEND...MORE OF THESE.
HOLLA -
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!
My Bestie Carrie and I went to see this on Monday. If you have babies, like babies, or have ever seen a baby, you will like this movie. The winner of the "cutest baby in this movie" contest goes to Little Mongolia. I can't remember his name, and probably couldn't spell it correctly anyway. Doesn't matter...he wins!
HOLLA -
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wild Weekend
Whew! Last of four Spring programs over, and I'm finally free to blog. (And go to yoga. And go to the movies.) This past weekend, we went to Columbia to see Ben's niece Malori's dance recital, and his nephew Logan's t-ball game. The dance recital was on the MU campus, which is against my religion to go to, but for family, I made an exception. Here's our little star:
She did SO WELL, and it was so fun to be at the recital, which featured dancers from toddler age to adults. Seeing a show like that, especially one that was so professionally done, totally made me want to get back into dance! I pity the dance studio that would take me as their student, but I'm going to look for one anyway.
One of the dances was so amazing...it was a lyrical dance to a beautiful song that I have never heard before, but spent all day Sunday trying to find because it was so emotionally moving to me. I finally figured out that it was sung by an artist named Charlotte Martin, out of NYC. Here is my new favorite song:
Logan's t-ball game was just as entertaining. Here are a few pics:
Of course, Miss Malori was supporting her big brother in high style.
After a lunch at G & D Steakhouse, which is apparently a place that, according to Ben, you just "have" to eat at when you come to Columbia, it was back home to KC for us. Saturday night was spent around the firepit with neighbors Kyle and Anna, and Sunday was a BBQ to celebrate a friend's homecoming and the end of LOST with best friends at Jason and Amy's. Check out Jason and friends' new blog here.
One more week of school now, and then it's time to get ready for Bennett. Thank the Lord for heat and sunshine, and the promise of summer.
HOLLA -
She did SO WELL, and it was so fun to be at the recital, which featured dancers from toddler age to adults. Seeing a show like that, especially one that was so professionally done, totally made me want to get back into dance! I pity the dance studio that would take me as their student, but I'm going to look for one anyway.
One of the dances was so amazing...it was a lyrical dance to a beautiful song that I have never heard before, but spent all day Sunday trying to find because it was so emotionally moving to me. I finally figured out that it was sung by an artist named Charlotte Martin, out of NYC. Here is my new favorite song:
Logan's t-ball game was just as entertaining. Here are a few pics:
Of course, Miss Malori was supporting her big brother in high style.
After a lunch at G & D Steakhouse, which is apparently a place that, according to Ben, you just "have" to eat at when you come to Columbia, it was back home to KC for us. Saturday night was spent around the firepit with neighbors Kyle and Anna, and Sunday was a BBQ to celebrate a friend's homecoming and the end of LOST with best friends at Jason and Amy's. Check out Jason and friends' new blog here.
One more week of school now, and then it's time to get ready for Bennett. Thank the Lord for heat and sunshine, and the promise of summer.
HOLLA -
Friday, May 14, 2010
Good Week, Bad Week
Oh Holy Blog Catch Up.
This is only a short breath that I am taking until the next wave of activity starts. I have been wanting to blog for sooooooooooooo long (I'm sure you've been holding your breath), but I haven't had TWO SECONDS!!!
So this week has been kind of shit. I'm sorry to cuss on here, but I'm just being honest. So busy, no time, running around, things not going the way I want them too, blah blah blah. T G I F, for real.
But then...a respite. I go to take my car to the dealership to get new brake pads and roters (I don't even know what those are, so I'm certainly not going to worry about how to spell it) on Monday. The guy at the dealership tells me, "Everyone's at lunch right now. Go grab a bite to eat and come back in 30 minutes." Well, I had already eaten lunch, so I decide to venture over to the GAP outlet. This is rough, let me tell you. I was reeeeeeaaally suffering here. So I go to the GAP, and they just happen to have a ton of sweaters and dresses for $15 each. SCORE! I have totally been needing some sweaters for work. Three sweaters, in the bag...back to the dealership.
So since I've had a shit week (sorry), I have to find music to listen to in the car on the way to work that gets me out of my funk. I don't know why, but Coldplay has been on my brain, so Viva la Vida it is. This CD is pure magic. If I could put it in a pipe and smoke it, I would. Not only is it brilliant music, it reminds me of last Spring when Ben and I went to Pennsylvania for our friends' wedding, and we just happened upon a Coldplay concert at Hershey Park. One of the BEST concerts I've ever been to. It was so fun to be spontaneous, and it was such a small venue that we were really in the thick of the action. So amazing....one of those memories that just lights your fire for a whole day.
(Not that this is an excuse, but Chris Martin said he was having a shit day at the Coldplay concert, too. It sounds so much cooler with a British accent...)
There was a third thing here. Wait for it....wait for it.....it's gone. That's what happens when you have a blog idea four days before you can actually blog about it.
It's late, and I need to do a Sudoku before bed. Have a great weekend, everybody.
HOLLA -
This is only a short breath that I am taking until the next wave of activity starts. I have been wanting to blog for sooooooooooooo long (I'm sure you've been holding your breath), but I haven't had TWO SECONDS!!!
So this week has been kind of shit. I'm sorry to cuss on here, but I'm just being honest. So busy, no time, running around, things not going the way I want them too, blah blah blah. T G I F, for real.
But then...a respite. I go to take my car to the dealership to get new brake pads and roters (I don't even know what those are, so I'm certainly not going to worry about how to spell it) on Monday. The guy at the dealership tells me, "Everyone's at lunch right now. Go grab a bite to eat and come back in 30 minutes." Well, I had already eaten lunch, so I decide to venture over to the GAP outlet. This is rough, let me tell you. I was reeeeeeaaally suffering here. So I go to the GAP, and they just happen to have a ton of sweaters and dresses for $15 each. SCORE! I have totally been needing some sweaters for work. Three sweaters, in the bag...back to the dealership.
So since I've had a shit week (sorry), I have to find music to listen to in the car on the way to work that gets me out of my funk. I don't know why, but Coldplay has been on my brain, so Viva la Vida it is. This CD is pure magic. If I could put it in a pipe and smoke it, I would. Not only is it brilliant music, it reminds me of last Spring when Ben and I went to Pennsylvania for our friends' wedding, and we just happened upon a Coldplay concert at Hershey Park. One of the BEST concerts I've ever been to. It was so fun to be spontaneous, and it was such a small venue that we were really in the thick of the action. So amazing....one of those memories that just lights your fire for a whole day.
(Not that this is an excuse, but Chris Martin said he was having a shit day at the Coldplay concert, too. It sounds so much cooler with a British accent...)
There was a third thing here. Wait for it....wait for it.....it's gone. That's what happens when you have a blog idea four days before you can actually blog about it.
It's late, and I need to do a Sudoku before bed. Have a great weekend, everybody.
HOLLA -
Monday, April 19, 2010
Kites...and other things
This weekend, Ben and I went to the Kansas City Kite Club's festival (I guess it was a festival!) at Longview Community College here in Lee's Summit. I'm so thankful for my adventuresome, fun-loving husband who, when I get home, tells me that we just HAVE to go this kite festival...he was right.
These pictures don't really do the event justice - at one point, I looked up and counted 80 kites in the sky. 80!!! We layed out our blanket on a small hill and looked up with joy and laughter, giving thanks for the simplicity of life (and wishing we had our own kite to participate in the fun). We'll know for next time!
In other news, my spiritual life is going through quite the transformation. (Aren't they always?) Thanks to my membership to the Mid-Continent Public Library, God has spoken to me through books that I consider life-changing. Really, you could say life-breaking, life-altering, life-renewing, etc. Opening the eyes of my heart is an understatement, as I seek to become more Christ-like on my journey here.
Today, it was Chuck Swindoll and The Mystery of God's Will that spoke to me with the blaring of a thousand trumpets. I don't know if that book would resonate the same way with you, but I'm mentioning it anyway, just in case.
Here's to change, and to the uncomfortable, awkward, unsettling, unnatural, and ultimately holy way that God molds us and shapes us into who He wants us to be.
HOLLA -
These pictures don't really do the event justice - at one point, I looked up and counted 80 kites in the sky. 80!!! We layed out our blanket on a small hill and looked up with joy and laughter, giving thanks for the simplicity of life (and wishing we had our own kite to participate in the fun). We'll know for next time!
In other news, my spiritual life is going through quite the transformation. (Aren't they always?) Thanks to my membership to the Mid-Continent Public Library, God has spoken to me through books that I consider life-changing. Really, you could say life-breaking, life-altering, life-renewing, etc. Opening the eyes of my heart is an understatement, as I seek to become more Christ-like on my journey here.
Today, it was Chuck Swindoll and The Mystery of God's Will that spoke to me with the blaring of a thousand trumpets. I don't know if that book would resonate the same way with you, but I'm mentioning it anyway, just in case.
Here's to change, and to the uncomfortable, awkward, unsettling, unnatural, and ultimately holy way that God molds us and shapes us into who He wants us to be.
HOLLA -
Sunday, April 11, 2010
FASHION SWAP!
This weekend, I got to participate in my church's annual Women's Fashion Swap. It's my second year going, and I just think it's the coolest deal in the world.
Here's how it works - I go through my closet and find (up to) 25 things that are still nice, but I don't wear anymore. I make sure they're clean, pressed, fairly new (so that someone else might actually want them), and hung neatly on hangers, and then take them up to church on a Friday night. This year I found 15 things in my closet to "swap", so I got a card at church that has the number 15 marked on it so I remember how many items I can get.
On Saturday morning, I go back, and shop for my 15 items! This year, I found only nine things that I wanted to come home with, but what good finds they were!
I got two new dresses, a few tops, a cute pair of pants, a skirt, a beautiful J.Crew sweater, and a pair of brown sandals that I forgot to put in this picture! A few of the items even had tags on them - never been worn!
And how much did this shopping spree cost me? NOTHING! What a joy to share in a fun fellowship that brings women together. It's fun to be a part of a house of worship that celebrates fun and sharing as well as worshipping!!
HOLLA!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Good Friday
Good Friday today. Jesus died. For US. It's fitting that it's rainy, gloomy, and windy today. It is not supposed to be a celebration...yet. Tonight, I will be singing at the Good Friday service at my church. It, too, will be dark, gloomy, melancholy. It is so important to realize what this day means to ALL of us, and what REAL, TRUE love is.
In case you are wondering what all of this Jesus stuff is about, I invite you to take a look at two books that recently shed new light into the life of my Savior.
Max Lucado is a wonderful author who speaks so eloquently about who Jesus is. Check them out (literally)!
Holy Holla -
Monday, March 29, 2010
Fried Worms
Today, because it was such a beautiful (finally) SPRING day, I went for a walk. About every 10 or 15 steps, I noticed a worm, either dead and gone or heading that way. These poor worms...who are they kidding? They'll probably NEVER make it to the other side.
Sometimes, when I see a juicy, slimy, writhing one, I'll stop to see if there's any hope left. Is he frying already? Is there any chance? I may pick him up and toss him over in the grass, doing my best to preserve his life. He (or she) is probably thinking, "Great, lady! You just tossed me back to where I was! Now I have to start all over!!!!"
I found one close to my house, and decided to give it a whirl to the other side of the grass, way down deep close to the dirt.
I hope he (or she) makes it.
HOLLA!
Sometimes, when I see a juicy, slimy, writhing one, I'll stop to see if there's any hope left. Is he frying already? Is there any chance? I may pick him up and toss him over in the grass, doing my best to preserve his life. He (or she) is probably thinking, "Great, lady! You just tossed me back to where I was! Now I have to start all over!!!!"
I found one close to my house, and decided to give it a whirl to the other side of the grass, way down deep close to the dirt.
I hope he (or she) makes it.
HOLLA!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Looking Back...
When we're in the thick of something, it is really easy to get discouraged.
"I have all of these bills to pay...what am I going to do?"
"I am going through a difficult situation. Will I ever get out of it?"
"I am struggling with a friend (or coworker or relative). When will this be over?"
Today, I went out for errands. I wore flip flops and shorts, and rolled my window half-way down to blare my music. Spring is coming. Winter is almost over. In the middle of winter, I think about how much I hate it, and how miserable it is. Then, when Spring comes, I look back and think, "Gee, that wasn't so bad."
If only we could look at all of our "winters" that way. Someday, we will look back and say, "I made it through that. I'm still standing. I guess it wasn't so bad after all."
SPRING IS COMING!!!!
HOLLA -
"I have all of these bills to pay...what am I going to do?"
"I am going through a difficult situation. Will I ever get out of it?"
"I am struggling with a friend (or coworker or relative). When will this be over?"
Today, I went out for errands. I wore flip flops and shorts, and rolled my window half-way down to blare my music. Spring is coming. Winter is almost over. In the middle of winter, I think about how much I hate it, and how miserable it is. Then, when Spring comes, I look back and think, "Gee, that wasn't so bad."
If only we could look at all of our "winters" that way. Someday, we will look back and say, "I made it through that. I'm still standing. I guess it wasn't so bad after all."
SPRING IS COMING!!!!
HOLLA -
Monday, March 1, 2010
DO Something
I think we all know what a trap "free time" and "relaxation" are. They are only good for a short time, then the guilt, melodrama, and selfishness sneak in. I imagine "free" days laying on the couch, watching my favorite movies, taking a nap, etc. etc. Even though these are some of my FAVORITE things, they bring no more joy than getting up, being active, and accomplishing something does.
I personally feel that giving oneself (All one word? Two? I'm stumped...) the opportunity to sit and laze is dangerous. If you personally have trouble with this, consider the list. Almost every Sunday night, I write out my "to-do's" for the next day (since Monday is my day to get stuff done), so that in the morning, I am focused and ready to go. Without the list, I will waiver and wait, coming up with activities that suck up my time...and my brain function.
So, the point: Get up. Get moving. Get something DONE. You'll feel SO much better for having done so.
HOLLA -
p.s. Spring is COMING! Can you feel it???
p.p.s. - Please pray for my sister!!
I personally feel that giving oneself (All one word? Two? I'm stumped...) the opportunity to sit and laze is dangerous. If you personally have trouble with this, consider the list. Almost every Sunday night, I write out my "to-do's" for the next day (since Monday is my day to get stuff done), so that in the morning, I am focused and ready to go. Without the list, I will waiver and wait, coming up with activities that suck up my time...and my brain function.
So, the point: Get up. Get moving. Get something DONE. You'll feel SO much better for having done so.
HOLLA -
p.s. Spring is COMING! Can you feel it???
p.p.s. - Please pray for my sister!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Mad at Myself
Ugh! I had a frustrating moment tonight. I was trying to explain something to someone, and I felt that they either a) didn't understand or b) didn't agree with me. I spent the whole drive home replaying the conversation, wondering if I could have "worded" things better, or tried harder to plead my case.
This is a personality trait of mine that needs tweaking. If I believe in something so much, I need to stand my ground, and not let the (potential) thoughts or opinions of others cloud my judgement. "Why do I feel this way?" "Why is this issue so important to me?" "Does it matter if others don't agree?"
I am hoping that, as I cross over into the land of my 30's this year, I will begin to work through this.
That is all.
HOLLA -
This is a personality trait of mine that needs tweaking. If I believe in something so much, I need to stand my ground, and not let the (potential) thoughts or opinions of others cloud my judgement. "Why do I feel this way?" "Why is this issue so important to me?" "Does it matter if others don't agree?"
I am hoping that, as I cross over into the land of my 30's this year, I will begin to work through this.
That is all.
HOLLA -
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Margaritaville, Baby!
This is BIG news at our house, people. Guess who's coming to MISSOURI!?!??!?!
At the end of April, JB is coming to St. Louis! My husband has been waiting his WHOLE LIFE for this!!!!!
I better get to work on my Parrot Head hat....
HOLLA!
At the end of April, JB is coming to St. Louis! My husband has been waiting his WHOLE LIFE for this!!!!!
I better get to work on my Parrot Head hat....
HOLLA!
VD Weekend
I have to take a cue from my SIL, who thinks it's funny to refer to Valentine's Day as "VD". You can read why here.
Here's a photo recap of the events that led up to Valentine's Day for the Haskamps:
These chocolate-covered strawberries were delivered to school on Friday. Let me tell you why this is the BEST V-Day gift ever. 1: It's food. 2: You get to EAT it. 3: You don't have to water it. 4: You can share it with other people. 5: It's food.
These are pics from my cousin's girlfriend's 40th birthday celebration. We started out with breakfast at the Corner Cafe (yum), and then went to Cockrell Mercantile near LS. Note the hot girls modeling the kitchen aprons. Note also how uncomfortable they look in the kitchen aprons.
While I was busy doing "girl" things, Ben was enjoying the day with his brother Spencer and Spencer's son Logan at the KC Auto Show. Here they are getting ready to enjoy a big fat greasy pizza after their long day of....whatever it is that guys do.
We spent our actual V-Day going to church, eating lunch at Chil.i's, going to see the movie Valentine's Day, doing a little shopping, eating a hella ton of leftovers from the weekend, and playing goofy games, like seeing who could stack Jen.ga tiles all the way from our kitchen table to the light. Ben won.
All in all, it was a GREAT weekend. I believe it's really hard NOT to enjoy such a holiday, as there is always someone who loves you and always someone to love. And when someone who loves you has great big blue eyes, eyelashes that could double as weapons, and a really cute butt, You really can't complain.
HOLLA -
Here's a photo recap of the events that led up to Valentine's Day for the Haskamps:
These chocolate-covered strawberries were delivered to school on Friday. Let me tell you why this is the BEST V-Day gift ever. 1: It's food. 2: You get to EAT it. 3: You don't have to water it. 4: You can share it with other people. 5: It's food.
These are pics from my cousin's girlfriend's 40th birthday celebration. We started out with breakfast at the Corner Cafe (yum), and then went to Cockrell Mercantile near LS. Note the hot girls modeling the kitchen aprons. Note also how uncomfortable they look in the kitchen aprons.
While I was busy doing "girl" things, Ben was enjoying the day with his brother Spencer and Spencer's son Logan at the KC Auto Show. Here they are getting ready to enjoy a big fat greasy pizza after their long day of....whatever it is that guys do.
We spent our actual V-Day going to church, eating lunch at Chil.i's, going to see the movie Valentine's Day, doing a little shopping, eating a hella ton of leftovers from the weekend, and playing goofy games, like seeing who could stack Jen.ga tiles all the way from our kitchen table to the light. Ben won.
All in all, it was a GREAT weekend. I believe it's really hard NOT to enjoy such a holiday, as there is always someone who loves you and always someone to love. And when someone who loves you has great big blue eyes, eyelashes that could double as weapons, and a really cute butt, You really can't complain.
HOLLA -
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