Amelia.

Oh, how I've wanted to blog. SO BADLY. There's so much that I want to share, but it turns out that being a new mom doesn't leave much time for blogging. Or sleep.

Our precious Amelia Rose came into our lives at 12:55 a.m. on Thursday, April 21st. She weighed a whopping 8 lbs. 13 1/2 oz., and measured 21 inches long. It took her about 18 hours from start to finish to show up, as we checked into the hospital the day before at 6 a.m.

They started pitocin at 7 a.m., and my doctor came in to break my water around 9, I think. After that, everything gets kind of hazy. I tried to be a champ and make it as long as I could without drugs, but at 4 centimeters, I was in need of some assistance. They gave me a drug called nubain in my IV, and all it did was make me sleepy. Those contractions just kept plugging along, without any relief, so after that, I gave in and asked for the epidural. Yes, getting one hurts just as bad as people say - it was an S.O.B. But, it did help. They kept having to put more uh...whatever they put in an epidural...to get me through the day and night, because that sucker kept wearing off.

One of the worst parts of the day was the hunger. I wanted to eat a big breakfast that morning so I would have something in my stomach, but I was so nervous when we left for the hospital that all I could force down was half a banana. As you can imagine, that lasted until about 6:30. So, because my stomach was so ticked off from being empty all day, I started throwing up. A lot. I bet by the time Amelia came I had thrown up 7 or 8 times. Of course, it was just bile, but still...trying to push a baby out while throwing up into a little plastic basin is not easy.

In the late evening, I started feeling like I needed to push, but they wouldn't let me because my cervix wasn't dilated all the way. This was the other worst part of the day. Not the epidural, or the contractions, but the feeling like I had the BIGGEST POOP IN THE WHOLE WORLD that I could not push out. OMG - I thought I was going to die. What made it worse was the throwing up part - when I threw up, I automatically used my butt muscles, which made me push a little bit, which I wasn't supposed to do, which made me want to push even more. BRUTAL. I remember calling in the doctor and nurse and telling them that there was no way I could not NOT push any longer. Finally, the doctor checked me and asked me to do a couple of practice pushes, and decided we could go ahead, and that's when things got crazy!

The nurses started buzzing around and bringing in equipment. The bright lights came on, and the baby warmer people got into position. We cranked up my Ingrid Michaelson Pandora station on the Bose, and Ben got behind me to hold up my head as I got ready to push.

Almost two hours later, after pushing, waiting, pushing, throwing up a little, pushing, pooping, (whoever tells you you can't tell if you poop during delivery is a big fat LIAR), waiting, pushing, throwing up some more, and still...more pushing, Amelia Rose was born.

Of course, we didn't know what we were having, so as soon as she slid out of me like a big fat slug (gross, but that's what it was like), I hollered, "WHAT IS IT?" As soon as the doctor said, "IT'S A GIRL!!!", she put her on my stomach and I could see her girly parts for myself. BIGGEST SHOCK OF OUR LIVES!!!!!!!! We KNEW this baby was a BOY!!!! As they whisked her away to the nursery ladies with the baby warmer, I said, "Her name is Amelia!" And all of the nurses went, "Ohhhhhhhhh!" It was the best moment of my life.

Then came the not-so-fun part. In the childbirth classes, they talked about one hour of skin-to-skin contact with mom right after the baby is born. Unfortunately, I didn't get to have that moment with Amelia, because I was getting stitched up from a 4th degree tear. It took the doctor almost an hour to sew me up, and as she was, she would continuously look up and say, "You can NEVER deliver vaginally again." Then she would sew in a few more stitches, stop, look at me, and say, "Never do this again. EVER." Good times, huh? This was more painful than pushing that almost 9 pound baby out. But I got through it and was finally able to hold my baby girl and marvel at her perfection.

Because we delivered so late, there were many family and friends that waited at the hospital ALL DAY but did not get to meet Amelia. My best friend Elise and her husband Matt drove five hours to be there for the birth, but had to drive all the way back before seeing her. My brother and sister-in-law drove 45 minutes home to get my nieces, only to drive them all the way back home without meeting Amelia. And Ben's dad and two sisters ended up getting home at about 4 a.m. after being in the waiting room since about 10 a.m. Wednesday morning. After a full waiting room most of the day, there was a skeleton crew left to meet Miss Millie when she finally arrived.

So that's the recap of the big event. There's so much more to write about, like all of the love, support, food, and girly clothes we have received from SO MANY PEOPLE. We are overwhelmed with gratitude. And how we brought Amelia home thinking I was breastfeeding her well, but really I was barely feeding her and she lost a pound right off the bat and we had to take her back to the hospital. Twice. And how I about had a nervous breakdown once we got her home and I realized Ben and I were solely in charge of her and there was no such thing as a "trial period". Or how my lack of sleep in the first few days turned me into a manic-depressive, anxiety-ridden, crying, sobbing, crazy person. And how this breastfeeding business is one of the hardest, and most rewarding, things I have ever done. And how scared I am to raise this beautiful little girl for the next 18+ years. And how I (sometimes) think that this "motherly instinct" thing is a total load of crap, because at first I had no idea what I was doing. At all. And how, on top of everything else, I can look at this little miracle and know that she is mine, and I made her (well, Ben helped), and I am her mommy.

And it is the best (and still scariest!) thing that has ever happened to me and her daddy in our whole lives.

Stay tuned.....

Practice Makes Perfect

Tonight I decided it was time for us to brush up on our laboring positions. I have no idea what kind of pain management I am going to want or need with this kid, but I do know that I would like to be out of bed and moving around as much as I possibly can. We are not paying for that big, nice jacuzzi tub birthing suite just for me to lay in bed in one position for 10+ hours, so we should be prepared, with options.

During our childbirth classes, the instructor gave us this nice little cheat sheet:



We got to go around the room to little "stations" that were set up so we could "try out" different laboring positions. Some were terrible, a few were great, and most were just okay. It was kind of hard to decide which ones I liked without actually being in a lot of pain. We tried to be serious and pretend anyway, but most of these just made us giggle.

My favorite two involved me sitting on an exercise ball with my arms around Ben's neck, and me laying in kind-of a yoga child's pose, with a pillow on the floor, all by myself. This made Ben nervous, even though I told him he was free to make phone calls, visit the cafeteria, or frankly do whatever the crap he wanted during that one - he wouldn't be needed.

As a matter of fact, most of the ones I liked didn't involve Ben at all. I reassured him by saying that it didn't mean anything bad that I didn't want him touching me during a contraction. Really, it will be best for him, me, the nurses, and everyone else in labor in the maternity ward that day. The less things that triggered my "outside" voice, the better.

Here are a few that I personally think should be reserved exclusively for Chinese acrobats and members of Cirque du Soleil:




We tried this particular one tonight, but we just got the giggles, and both of us ended up tooting, which made me laugh even harder, and almost pee my pants, because there is obviously no bladder muscle control when you're squatting on the floor with your legs wide open. As a tip, I do not recommend trying this after drinking a giant Coke and eating a whole bowl of fettuccine alfredo:



Ah...good times. We can't say we didn't try! I may not be an expert at laboring, but at least we still have our sense of humor...for now.

HOLLA -

Hold the Phone

So Friday, in case you didn't know, I had an amniocentesis done. That's where they stick a hella-long needle into your stomach, then into the amniotic sac to draw amniotic fluid out. This tests your baby's lung maturity. As the baby breathes in and out, it sheds cells from the inside of the lungs that can then be extracted from the fluid to test for maturity. If the lungs were mature, we were going to check in to the hospital tonight for induction.

Seeing as our baby has passed every test it has taken (of course), we were all prepped and ready to go for tonight. Ben has been working his butt off getting the house and cars clean. He worked all day yesterday cleaning up and organizing the garage. The nursery is spotless and everything is in its place, the house is all picked up, the suitcase is packed, although we have some rearranging to do, and my substitute plans are laid out neatly in my classroom. We had a special dinner planned for last night, to celebrate one last outing...just the two of us. We even drove by the hospital while running errands yesterday, and I thought about today and how we would be going there for the REAL THING tonight.

Then, we got a call from our doctor yesterday saying the test results were back and the lungs aren't ready. "Don't go to the hospital tomorrow night," he says. "Just go to your regular appointment on Monday, and call us Monday afternoon to find out what to do next."

Sigh.

Okay, the lungs are not ready. We do NOT want this baby to come if his/her lungs are not ready! But, WE were ready. FINALLY. After finding out about this cholestasis and freaking out and rushing around buying up every last thing we needed and still didn't have...

After breakdowns and anxiety attacks about this baby coming early and us not being mentally or physically prepared...

After the fear monster crept in and started telling me what a crappy mom I was going to be and how I wasn't going to be able to handle it...

After realizing how sad I was to think about not being pregnant anymore, because I loved it and had such a good experience and wasn't ready for it to be over...

We had finally wrapped our heads around all of it and were ready to go.

And now, we wait.



Oh Lord, give us patience.

I am looking at this not as a test, but as an opportunity to grab hold of the excitement I felt thinking that this baby was coming on Monday. I had finally pushed my fears aside and embraced the joy of what was going to happen, and it's still there; I still have it. I just have to hold onto it for (hopefully) just a little bit longer.

...

HOLLA -

To Work, or Not To Work....

Nope, that is NOT the question. I have been asked by a ton of people at school lately if I'm coming back to work in the fall, and I can say with complete confidence that the answer is YES.

I know for a lot of women, being a stay-at-home mom is a viable option. Get a job/career, have a baby, quit your job, stay at home, be a mom. As a matter of fact, quite a few moms at my school get to do this. (That's mostly who's been asking me.) While this is a wonderful opportunity or choice or whatever you want to say, it's just not for me.

First of all, we can't afford it. There is no way we could live off of one income, and that's okay - Ben likes his job, and he's happy, and that is most important. I would much rather have a happy, government-employed husband than an unhappy husband with some other job that might make him a lot of money, but that also might make him grouchy. Or gone all the time. Or have less job security. (I'm not saying all jobs that make a lot of money do that to people, but it happens.)

Second of all, I love my job. L.O.V.E. LOVE it. It fulfills me in ways that I could never have imagined. My classroom rocks. The people I work with are fun, kind, talented, friendly, hard-working, interesting, joyful...you get the idea. Our parent community goes above and beyond to support us. The kids....oh boy. I am already missing them. They are amazing little people who fill my soul with love (and sometimes frustration and anger, but mostly love) every day. And the best part is, I get paid to make music and play games. ALL DAY! And we get lunch for free. I'm telling you, it's the best.

So, I'm going to go back to work. A great colleague of mine said tonight that I'm not going to want to. She may be right, but I know by August, I will be ready to get back to the job that I love and am so passionate about.

(That is, my other job that I love and am so passionate about BESIDES being a mom.)

:-)

HOLLA -

Favorite Thing!

I was on my friend Sylvia C.'s blog today, and was noticing what great photo editing she was doing. Soooo, I inquired, and found out about MY NEW FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD! It's a free iPhone app called Instagram. I am IN LOVE with this app! Actually, I am not just in love. I am OBSESSED. Let me tell you how it works:

You take a regular picture with your phone, and then you use Instagram to apply a filter to it. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Here are some pictures I've taken and/or filtered just today:

**Note: Some of these photos were taken professionally by Abby Libsack, and did NOT need additional editing - I was just having fun. (Love ya, Abs.) :-)




Crazy Elise



Monkey from the nursery


I call this one "Weakness".


Angel by our window


Breakfast


The PJ pants I was wearing this morning


Family


Beautiful Ben


Moon in the nursery


I stole this idea from Sylvia - her picture like this is what caught my eye!

So fun...thanks, Sylvia!

HOLLA -

Oh Boy.

I don't know what this kid is doing to my brain.



Oh wait - yes I do. He/She is sucking it right out of me - from my skull right down to my uterus.

Case in point - my last blog entry. Consumation of Tums? Really? The correct spelling is "consummation", and I think we all know that it don't mean eating.



I also sent a ginormous email to many friends and family members telling them that this Friday, doctors are going to take a needle, stick it in my stomach, and then into my baby's lungs. WRONG! Try into the fluid surrounding my baby. I really didn't know this until I researched it, but still....I must have either really nice people in my life that don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me how medically retarded I am, or...they are medically retarded, too.



Maybe the reason why pregnancy makes you so dumb is that you have to get used to not being perfect in front of your kid, because if you pretend to be, you will royally screw them up. I am slowly realizing this.



So, one of my goals is just to be my imperfectly made, goofy self, and hopefully this baby will still love me.

(fingers crossed)




HOLLA -