Amelia.

Oh, how I've wanted to blog. SO BADLY. There's so much that I want to share, but it turns out that being a new mom doesn't leave much time for blogging. Or sleep.

Our precious Amelia Rose came into our lives at 12:55 a.m. on Thursday, April 21st. She weighed a whopping 8 lbs. 13 1/2 oz., and measured 21 inches long. It took her about 18 hours from start to finish to show up, as we checked into the hospital the day before at 6 a.m.

They started pitocin at 7 a.m., and my doctor came in to break my water around 9, I think. After that, everything gets kind of hazy. I tried to be a champ and make it as long as I could without drugs, but at 4 centimeters, I was in need of some assistance. They gave me a drug called nubain in my IV, and all it did was make me sleepy. Those contractions just kept plugging along, without any relief, so after that, I gave in and asked for the epidural. Yes, getting one hurts just as bad as people say - it was an S.O.B. But, it did help. They kept having to put more uh...whatever they put in an epidural...to get me through the day and night, because that sucker kept wearing off.

One of the worst parts of the day was the hunger. I wanted to eat a big breakfast that morning so I would have something in my stomach, but I was so nervous when we left for the hospital that all I could force down was half a banana. As you can imagine, that lasted until about 6:30. So, because my stomach was so ticked off from being empty all day, I started throwing up. A lot. I bet by the time Amelia came I had thrown up 7 or 8 times. Of course, it was just bile, but still...trying to push a baby out while throwing up into a little plastic basin is not easy.

In the late evening, I started feeling like I needed to push, but they wouldn't let me because my cervix wasn't dilated all the way. This was the other worst part of the day. Not the epidural, or the contractions, but the feeling like I had the BIGGEST POOP IN THE WHOLE WORLD that I could not push out. OMG - I thought I was going to die. What made it worse was the throwing up part - when I threw up, I automatically used my butt muscles, which made me push a little bit, which I wasn't supposed to do, which made me want to push even more. BRUTAL. I remember calling in the doctor and nurse and telling them that there was no way I could not NOT push any longer. Finally, the doctor checked me and asked me to do a couple of practice pushes, and decided we could go ahead, and that's when things got crazy!

The nurses started buzzing around and bringing in equipment. The bright lights came on, and the baby warmer people got into position. We cranked up my Ingrid Michaelson Pandora station on the Bose, and Ben got behind me to hold up my head as I got ready to push.

Almost two hours later, after pushing, waiting, pushing, throwing up a little, pushing, pooping, (whoever tells you you can't tell if you poop during delivery is a big fat LIAR), waiting, pushing, throwing up some more, and still...more pushing, Amelia Rose was born.

Of course, we didn't know what we were having, so as soon as she slid out of me like a big fat slug (gross, but that's what it was like), I hollered, "WHAT IS IT?" As soon as the doctor said, "IT'S A GIRL!!!", she put her on my stomach and I could see her girly parts for myself. BIGGEST SHOCK OF OUR LIVES!!!!!!!! We KNEW this baby was a BOY!!!! As they whisked her away to the nursery ladies with the baby warmer, I said, "Her name is Amelia!" And all of the nurses went, "Ohhhhhhhhh!" It was the best moment of my life.

Then came the not-so-fun part. In the childbirth classes, they talked about one hour of skin-to-skin contact with mom right after the baby is born. Unfortunately, I didn't get to have that moment with Amelia, because I was getting stitched up from a 4th degree tear. It took the doctor almost an hour to sew me up, and as she was, she would continuously look up and say, "You can NEVER deliver vaginally again." Then she would sew in a few more stitches, stop, look at me, and say, "Never do this again. EVER." Good times, huh? This was more painful than pushing that almost 9 pound baby out. But I got through it and was finally able to hold my baby girl and marvel at her perfection.

Because we delivered so late, there were many family and friends that waited at the hospital ALL DAY but did not get to meet Amelia. My best friend Elise and her husband Matt drove five hours to be there for the birth, but had to drive all the way back before seeing her. My brother and sister-in-law drove 45 minutes home to get my nieces, only to drive them all the way back home without meeting Amelia. And Ben's dad and two sisters ended up getting home at about 4 a.m. after being in the waiting room since about 10 a.m. Wednesday morning. After a full waiting room most of the day, there was a skeleton crew left to meet Miss Millie when she finally arrived.

So that's the recap of the big event. There's so much more to write about, like all of the love, support, food, and girly clothes we have received from SO MANY PEOPLE. We are overwhelmed with gratitude. And how we brought Amelia home thinking I was breastfeeding her well, but really I was barely feeding her and she lost a pound right off the bat and we had to take her back to the hospital. Twice. And how I about had a nervous breakdown once we got her home and I realized Ben and I were solely in charge of her and there was no such thing as a "trial period". Or how my lack of sleep in the first few days turned me into a manic-depressive, anxiety-ridden, crying, sobbing, crazy person. And how this breastfeeding business is one of the hardest, and most rewarding, things I have ever done. And how scared I am to raise this beautiful little girl for the next 18+ years. And how I (sometimes) think that this "motherly instinct" thing is a total load of crap, because at first I had no idea what I was doing. At all. And how, on top of everything else, I can look at this little miracle and know that she is mine, and I made her (well, Ben helped), and I am her mommy.

And it is the best (and still scariest!) thing that has ever happened to me and her daddy in our whole lives.

Stay tuned.....