WOW - Thanks to EVERYONE who gave a response to my last post, either through the blog, through facebook, or over a phone conversation. It really REALLY helped me work through some things.
Here is what I learned:
My kids will be MY KIDS, not someone else's kids that I am taking care of. They will grow up in our little world, with our routines and comforts, and although they will be their own little people with their own ways, they will STILL be mine to raise as I see fit. I guess in my brain I get this image of raising a kid that is so different and so far removed from who I am that I won't feel attachment or relatability. Does that make sense? I guess what I'm trying to say is that you all made me realize that it just HAPPENS...this motherhood thing. And you just figure it out...naturally.
I hope that next time (I mean, month) :-) I am faced with this "opportunity", I will remember all of your wise words and just go for it. Pray for us, please, that God will show His face in the midst of this journey, more now than ever before.
HOLLA!
2 comments:
awesome cliff-notes, on "the contemplation of motherhood."
:)
best....
Sylvia
I am a mom....to a son and a daughter - what they call a "million dollar family". I used to think when my kids were growing up that was because they were going to COST me a million dollars! Ha! Probably not nearly that much, in reality, and the real meaning of that means you were lucky enough to have one of each....and man, in MY family you have no idea how lucky that really makes you. I just have nephews....after nephew....after nephew.
I am a person all about plans. I like to PLAN vacations, PLAN my life, PLAN my purchases, PLAN my children - oops - let me digress on THAT one.
When I was a young married thing, I had a PLAN. It was to be married for FIVE years. To own our own "starter" home. To be financially secure enough to be able to stay home with a baby and still be able to EAT, to feel good enough in my "skin" to be a mom. Now it wasn't that I wasn't READY to be a mom. I can't think of anything I have ever wanted MORE. I love children beyond words. I love spending time with them, playing with them, but especially listening to them and ESPECIALLY watching their faces as they express themselves. You can read right into a child's soul through their beautiful eyes. A smile on a child's face is priceless. God truly made children possible to give us joy and laughter and hope and understanding. I truly believe that. Soooo, back to the topic....I have been ready to be a mom my whole entire life. If I hadn't been fortunate to have any, I would have had to FIND some SOMEWHERE.....I have a school teacher friend who was unable to have children, which was fine with her and her husband as they were both teachers and she said they spent all day with kids, so not having any at home at the end of the day was just FINE with them....NOT ME.....
So, you see, I had my life all planned out....just how it was going to be......job security, house, right place in my heart, the sun in the sky just at the right place, the moon hanging exactly where it was supposed to be.....and then the UNTHINKABLE happened. God sent an angel in the form of a VERY UNEXPECTED baby boy!!!
We had been married a little over three years when Andrew decided it was time that he arrive and turn our quiet, perfect little world into a den of diapers and chaos! I couldn't believe it! We didn't have our house, my husband had lost his job, I hadn't climbed the corporate ladder to the extent I thought possible, everything was WRONG!!!! But that little baby didn't know that. All he knew was that he needed a loving home with a mommy and daddy that would worship the ground he walked on, read books to, give unending hugs and kisses to, and to raise in a Godly fashion.
Everyone else in our world thought this was FABULOUS news. A new baby, a welcome addition to our extended family, a sweet smelling thing to love....yea, "whatever" is what I was thinking!!
Soooo, given that we didn't really have a choice, and finally got used to the idea, we delivered, after almost 24 hours in labor and delivery, a bouncing, big headed baby boy!!
The feeling you get when you hold that precious little one for the first time and realize that he is completely and totally your responsibility is overwhelming, and the greatest feeling in the world - after the initial fear and panic wears off, of course:):)
So just GO FOR IT!!! Let the games begin.....be ready for ANYTHING....be ready to never sleep another full night for about 18 years, never have another uninterrupted meal, bathroom break, uninterrupted TV show, never have a dollar in your pocket, it is the most rewarding thing you will ever, ever do in your life. It's worth every single minute......and if you are lucky enough to have a healthy, happy addition to your little band, be GRATEFUL TO GOD....as those babies come from Him and someday they will return to Him.....you just get to borrow them for a lifetime, IF you are lucky!
Good luck!
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