Today

(timeline is approximate.)

4:30 a.m. - Wake up to pee. Hear Amelia crying. Go in to put her bink back in. Go sleep on the couch downstairs because Ben is making a weird noise.

7:00 - Wake up on the couch. Go upstairs to make sure Millie is okay. She is hanging out in her crib. Ben walks in behind me and takes Mills while he gets ready for work. I go downstairs and turn on the Today show.

7:30 - Ben leaves for work. Mills and I play on the floor with toys. I half play and half watch the today show. I am not in the "Mommy Zone". I pretend to be. It's not working.

8:00 - Fix baba for Millie. Watch Today show. Play some more. Millie is bored - she goes to play with the cords behind the stereo. I redirect her. Several times. I want to poke my eyes out.

9:00 - Breakfast. Cheerios, fruit, toast with yogurt for Mills. Breakfast bar and handful of Cheerios for me.

9:30 - I eye the clock for naptime. I am dragging this morning. Start thinking that all next week of Spring Break and my whole summer is going to be like this...playing monotonous toys and pretending to like it. Start to panic.

10:00 - Naptime for Amelia. A respite. Instead of taking a nap myself, I clean dishes, pick up toys, check my email, and shower for the day. Get pissed off because I can't figure out what to wear even though the biggest event of the day will be going to the grocery store.

11:30 - Millie wakes up. I get her dressed for the day in one of my favorite outfits - a "My Daddy Rocks" onesie with a guitar, and brown sweatpants. A doll baby. At least she looks cute.

12:00 - Fix a baba. Pack to go to Ben's office to visit him and his lady co-workers. Try to put Millie in the carseat, knowing she will get the baba when we get to Ben's office. Millie freaks out. Take Millie out of the carseat, feed her the baba, feel really guilty about trying to make her hold off to eat. Give her lots of guilt-induced love squeezes while she eats.

12:30 - Pull into Wendy's to grab lunch. Stomach is growwwwwling. Line is 10 cars long, at least. Pull out of Wendy's, ticked off, stomach still growling.

12:40 - Arrive at Ben's office. Drop my purse on the way in, feel fat and out of shape carrying Millie, my purse, and her diaper bag up two flights of stairs. Glad I wasn't also carrying a food bag and a drink.

12:45 - 1:00 - Visit with Ben and his co-workers, watch Millie roll on the floor and blow raspberries, laugh and feel soooo proud to be her mom.

1:10 - Pull back into Wendy's. Order a cheeseburger, fries, and a giant coke. Enjoy it like it's the best meal I've ever had all the way to the grocery store. Try to talk myself out of going to the grocery store because I just don't think I can handle it today. Give myself a pep talk in between bites of juicy cheeseburger.

1:30 - Get to grocery store. Laugh at Millie because she can't stand to be facing backwards in the cart, so she pulls one leg out of the hole and turns half way around, almost falling out. Do the rest of my grocery shopping holding her with one hand. Smile at the nice checkout lady who thinks my kid is adorable. She is right.

2:30 - Get home, unpack groceries. Give Millie a snack of oranges and Gerber tomato puff thingies. Play, play, play some more. My attitude is getting better.

3:00 - Take Amelia outside to feel the breeze. Put her in the grass. She loves it. I decide it's too cold and she needs her coat. Pick Mills up and take her inside.

3:02 - Put Millie's coat on. She cries. Grab blanket to sit on outside. Grab my phone and some bubbles I bought at the store. Go back outside.

3:04 - Set blanket out. Put Millie on blanket. She cries and tries to rip her coat off. Blow bubbles to distract her. Wind blows bubbles away so fast she doesn't even notice them.

3:05 - Take Mills, blanket and bubbles back inside. Take coat off. Millie still crying. Put hat on. Go back outside.

3:07 - Put Millie in the grass with no blanket and no coat. Millie screams and cries. I give up.

3:10 - Take her coat off, put her in high chair. Blow bubbles in the kitchen while Millie plays with toys. She barely notices.

4:00 - Feed Millie her afternoon baba. Read the Lee's Summit magazine together. Periodically give her kisses on the cheek. She periodically looks up at me with her tongue out, coaxing a kiss out of me, for the first time, ever. My brain takes a snapshot of one of the coolest moments of my life.

4:20 - Afternoon nap for Amelia. I clean up the wreck that is the living room and decide to take a little breather - read more of Anthony De Mello's One Minute Wisdom and my Mommy Mantra book. Fantastic. Take mental notes about blogging about both books this week.

5:30 - Decide I better get my butt up and start cooking dinner before Ben gets home. Ben gets home.

5:40 - Cook dinner - Spanish rice, mixed veggies, garlic toast.

6:00 - Talk to Ben about our days. Tell Ben I had a rough morning, but this afternoon Millie was giving me kisses and cracking me up in the grocery cart. Say a prayer of thanks that now there are four helping hands instead of two. My body begins to relax.

6:30 - Ben wakes Millie up. He brings her downstairs, and she reaches for me and rests her head on my shoulder while I hold her. My heart explodes with love, joy, and...relief. She doesn't hate me for being a crappy mom today. We eat all together at the table. She devours her rice and veggies. We marvel at her appetite and eating abilities and daydream about the future, talking about appropriate table manners for little people.

7:00 - Mills and I play while Ben cleans up dishes. My Mommy energy has somehow miraculously been restored. Thank you Jesus.

7:30 - Ben gives Mills a bath while I fold her laundry.

8:00 - Lotion, jammies, three books, night time baba. Have a sneaking suspicion that, because of her long afternoon nap, she will not want to go to sleep.

8:20 - I am at computer, Ben on phone, Mills still awake. I make executive decision to get her up and let her play for a little while longer. She's just not stinkin' tired enough.

8:20 - 9:00 - Play some more. I was right - she was not tired. My dad calls, I talk to him while Ben plays with Mills.

9:05 - Bedtime attempt #2. Attempt successful. I do a victory dance inside and congratulate myself for listening to my instincts.

9:15 - Computer again. Blogging.

9:59 - Get ready to hit "Publish" on blog, hear Amelia crying. Go in to roll her over and adjust her blankie. She rolls over and goes back to sleep. Cross my fingers it's for good.

10:01...

HOLLA -