To My Mom

Today is Mother's Day.  Happy Mother's Day to Linda Martens, my mom.  I am so blessed to have had her in my life for almost 32 years, and I hope to have her in my life for at least that many more.

My mom is kind, smart, thoughtful, selfless, funny, and fun!  She loves her family more than anyone I know, and she loves, loves, loves being around people.  She grew up north of the river (anyone from KC knows what that means) and still lives and works there.  You can't go anywhere with my mom without her running into someone she knows.  (This is a running joke in our family.  Now my brother has started to catch the virus.)  It's not just because she's always lived and worked in the same area - it's because she's so friendly to everyone she meets. She's just a happy person.  Except when you make her mad.

There have been many times that I have disappointed my mom in my lifetime.  We have had some doozies, for sure.  Let's just start with the teenage years and work all the way up to about two years after I graduated from college.  I could tell you some stories, but the statute of limitations isn't even up on most of them, so I'll hold back.  There have been times that I felt very distant from my mom, and times that I have felt very, very close to her.

The three times that brought us closest together were my husband's death in 2004, my second wedding in 2007, and the birth of my daughter in 2011.  Sure, moms are there through the monotonous times of life, but it's the real highs and lows that have made me realize how much I need, have needed, and will always need my mom.

I've never been the kind of person to be really chummy and sentimental with my mom - she will be the first to tell you that.  I've always had a circle of friends held tightly around me that provided a safe and protective barrier.  But as I grow older and experience highs and lows, and more highs and more lows, I realize how I really can't live a day without her.

My mom still razzes me about all of the times she would call me in when I was at college, just to check on me, and it would be days or even weeks before I would return her phone call.  She would worry so much, and I was just having the time of my life!  I always tell her she should be glad I was doing so well instead of calling her every five minutes because I needed something or was having a miserable time.  Now, it's ME who calls her all the time, wondering if I'm bothering her!  I love just calling her to chat about daily life, even if it's nothing important.  I'm always disappointed when I call her to small talk and she's not around.  Funny how the tables have turned, isn't it?  :-)

When I was younger and still at home, my mom (and dad!) did such an amazing job raising my brother and me.  I rarely remember her falling short of any of the typical mom duties.  We were always fed, dressed, educated, socialized, spiritualized, loved, and happy.  That doesn't mean she didn't make some mistakes - she'll be the first to tell you that, too.  But I never knew very many of them.  I rarely saw my mom show weakness or make a mistake in my childhood.  I have to say that her seeming so perfect to me must account for my type-A personality and my inability to be less than perfect or to admit that I have made a mistake in any way.  (Thanks, Mom.)

Although it was great to have a mom who seemed to never make mistakes, I do wish she would have let us see that side of her more often, just to teach us that we didn't have to be perfect, and it was okay to admit that she didn't always have the answer or know what to do.  I know she will laugh when she reads this, because she will say she made plenty of mistakes in front of us!  Again, though, I sure don't remember very many.

As I raise my own daughter, I want to teach her that our entire lives are lessons, and God is molding and shaping us every day, even on the day we die.  I want her to know that I don't have things figured out, and although I will try hard to do my best every day, I will always make mistakes, and it's okay for her to make mistakes, too.  I love being a life-long learner, and I want to teach Amelia how to be one, too.  We are never done, never finished...never as educated and worldly as we think we are.

                                                             (Nice squishy face, Amelia.)

Mom, I love you so much.  You have taught me how to live and love, in work and in play.  You have given me maturity, knowledge, self-respect, and humility.  I owe so much of who I am today and the success I have had to your guidance.  If I can raise Amelia half as well as you raised me, I will have succeeded.

Thank you for loving me, being there for me in all times, supporting me, and encouraging me, whether it was with homework, a boyfriend, an audition, a graduation, a death, a disappointment, or a crying infant.  I cannot imagine my life without you....

You are the wind beneath my wings.

HOLLA -