An Old Friend

I had a dream last night about an old friend.

(Yes, I am blogging about my dreams again.  When you have a 17-month-old who still wakes up occasionally for a binkie check, you tend to stay in that dream state for most of the night.)

Anyway, this is not the first time that I have dreamt about this old friend.  I dream about him every few months or so.  I can go a long time without one and then, all of the sudden, out of nowhere, here it comes.

The dream usually goes something like this.  We are together with our friends, and I see him.  I am worried because I think he is mad at me.  I don't want him to be mad at me anymore.  So I go over and talk to him, or try to make eye contact with him.  Eye contact is funny, if you knew this friend and our stories.

Sometimes in the dreams, he talks to me.  Other times, he just looks at me and gives me a head nod, and that is enough.

I dream about this old friend because there is an open wound in my heart.  Something happened years ago that made him mad at me.  He thinks I contributed to the end of a relationship he was in.  It was destined to end anyway, but the damage was done.  And it's never been the same.

I didn't invite him to my second wedding.  He played and sang in my first.  I don't talk about him when I bring up my best friends.  He will always be one of them.

This old friend has lots of friends.  He is one of those people who attracts other people to him instantly.  I'm sure he has a whole new life now, and I guess I do too.  But he was a huge part of a snapshot in time that was the best time, without a doubt, of my whole life.  

Sometimes I try to contact this old friend, but he never responds.  Today, instead of just feeling sad about it, I emailed him.

"Hi, how are you?  I haven't talked to you in a very long time.  I hope you are well.  If you are ever in town, you are always welcome at my home."

I don't really know what else to do.  Sometimes things happen, and life goes on.  But there are people who I love and care for in the deepest depths of my soul, and because of what we have been through, I can't imagine that love ever dying.

I love this friend.  Even if we never speak or see each other again, and even if he is still mad at me, or even if he simply doesn't want to be my friend anymore, I will always love him.

Someday, hopefully, my wound will be healed.  

HOLLA -