New Belly Shots

In the beginning of this pregnancy, Ben and I were determined to take a weekly picture of my growing belly. Unfortunately, we slacked off, and now maybe take a picture every five weeks or so. With the same intention, I also bought a pregnancy book/journal to document every craving, kick, and emotion, but I haven't even cracked the sucker open. I hope my lack of energy towards this is not indicative of what kind of parent I'll be, because in that case, our child may only get fed, changed, and bathed on a very limited basis. Ben was sick the other night and I felt like getting caught up on the belly progression, so here are my lousy attempts at an update.







As you can see, this child is rapidly taking over my physical space. Getting up from a sitting or laying position is always interesting...I don't know why but it helps to make some sort of a grunting sound while getting out of the car or off the couch. I'm sure there is some medical research to back this up.

I'm also noticing that my uterus is taking up space previously occupied by my ribs and lungs, making breathing a real chore. I've heard this gets worse before it gets better.

If it weren't for the utter amazement, joy, and sheer miraculous disbelief that I feel when this child is moving around inside my belly, I would say, "GET THIS KID OUT OF ME." I'm pretty sure I could stand the gestational period of an elephant (22 months, in case you're wondering) if it meant that I could feel and watch this tiny creation kick and squirm around all day. It is the coolest, most awesome thing I have ever experienced, but I could fill up a whole blog post about that.

I think one of the reasons that we mothers get so uncomfortable in the end is because it makes us just that much more excited and ready to have that baby in our arms once and for all. I'm getting to the point where I want to SEE that the baby is fine and good, not just FEEL or GUESS or ASSUME that it is. I want this baby on my chest, to look at and touch and care for. On the outside! I know, "soon enough," you say.

In a few months, when it's wailing and squirming and I'm ripping my hair out, I'll be trying to pay someone to put it back in.

Still though.... :-)

Funny Stuff

My friend Sarah sent me the BEST website on Friday. This is the blog to top all blogs, where pregnancy is concerned. If you have ever been pregnant, are pregnant, know someone who is pregnant, or have been birthed from a womb, you will LOVE this blog. Check out the "best of" section first, but only if you want to pee your pants with laughter.




HOLLA -

Entering the Gates

On Saturday, my uncle Don died. He had been sick for years, and really sick for several months. He had a genetic disease that my grandpa also had, and also died from. Don was my dad's baby brother, the youngest of four kids. Here he is with my Aunt Laureen and cousin Ryan at my wedding.



There are many things I will always remember about my uncle Don. I will remember going out to his house when they lived in Olathe, and getting Pepsi out of a vending machine in their basement. (He worked for Pepsi, by the way.) I will remember Christmases in their living room, sitting by the fire and looking up at the skylights, which I thought was so cool, since we had neither a fireplace nor skylights. I will remember his voice and his way of expressing great emotion, when he thought something was either really great or really not great. I will remember the joy that he brought my dad when he and my dad and my uncle Gene would get together, and cause some sort of loud mischief. I will remember many, many KU games watched in someone's basement, with more laughter, more joy, more merriment.

At his funeral on Tuesday, the chaplain spoke about what my uncle must have been experiencing at that moment, going back to Jesus, the One who created him. I was thinking about his life, and how I don't really know what kind of spiritual journey he had been on, and how he felt about leaving here. I'd like to say that he was at peace with going, and that he was anticipating with great joy his reunion with God.

The truth is, I don't know the answer to any of that.

What the chaplain spoke about is how happy God was that Don was coming home, and how he was being welcomed with open arms. While this filled me with great joy, it also made me wonder how God does greet those of us who are in great stride with Him, those of us who have wandered, and those of us who have heard His call and turned away.

What amazes me, and baffles me, to be honest, is that God loves us just as much when we return as when He first made us, and nothing that happens here and nothing that we ever do here can change that. All of the baggage, all of the bad choices, all of the mistakes...He knows it all and understands it all. Even after 30 years of life, that is still so incomprehensible to me!

I think the reason why I have trouble believing that God accepts all of us is because I still don't think I'm acceptable. And if I'm not acceptable, then how is anybody else? To me, this is the reason why we judge others. In the face of judgement, we quickly point the finger to direct attention at someone else who has surely outdone us in the "guilty" department.

And why do we do this? We make fun because we're afraid of being made fun of. We joke because we would rather point the finger and laugh than be laughed at. We criticize because we fear the criticism. We abandon because we're afraid of abandonment. We exclude because we're afraid we don't belong.

But this is not the way God works! We are all welcome, and there is room for all of us at the table. There's room for my uncle Don, and me, and everyone else, no matter who we are or what kinds of experiences we have gone through here.

So here is what lesson I learned: Don't run from the arms of God. Don't spend your life feeling like you're not good enough, or you don't belong. Nothing surprises God, and nothing can separate us from His love. Ever. I think one of the worst things we could do would be to live our whole lives feeling, for whatever reason, like we aren't worthy of His love and acceptance. Hiding in the shadows, covering the wounds. He loves us so much, and is just waiting for us to turn to Him and run like children into His welcoming arms!

What joy! What peace! What RELIEF.

I can just picture my uncle Don walking with God, with no physical or emotional pain, basking in the light of His grace. I picture him laughing and dancing without the weight of life that held him down here. And I can hear God saying to him, "It's okay. I have always loved you, and I never left you, even on the darkest days."

The good news is, we don't have to wait until we get to Heaven to hear God's voice and to experience this GRACE. It's here for us now! I don't want to wait. I want to break the chains now, and feel weightless in the arms of God. And when I do, I can welcome others to do the same.

This is my new goal...my new assignment.

And I do it for Uncle Don.

HOLLA -

You Can't Make Me.

One of the items on my "to-do" list today was calling daycares. I mentioned this on my last post, and it STILL isn't done. Maybe it's because I'm a procrastinator.

Maybe it's because I love this little person SO MUCH already that I can't imagine leaving him/her with a stranger all day (even though that stranger might be a nice older lady with a gentle touch and a safe, clean home and fun toys and a soft crib and a lovely smile. And she smells like gingerbread.). (Yes, I will find her.)

Maybe it's because I started researching daycares online, and I teared up just looking at pictures of infant rooms.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid that we're going to have to plunk down some major cash to hold a spot at a daycare that we may not even send our baby to, when we are trying to replace Ben's car and pay doctor bills.

Maybe it's because our nursery looks like this...



...and I can only handle one major task at a time.

Maybe it's because I broke down crying talking to some AT&T representative today because he wouldn't help me close down an old email account that someone has hacked into. Emotionally, that phone conversation wiped me out. (Eventually, I broke the AT&T guy. Apparently, pregnancy hormones can work for good as well as evil.)

Whatever the reason, I just can't do it.

(sigh.)

HOLLA -

SNOW DAY

Thank the Lord, it's a Snow Day.


I got the call last night, from my school's automated messaging system. You know when your cell phone and home phone ring at the exact same time, that's a really good sign.



So what have I done so far? Well, first of all, I slept all night on the couch downstairs. Ben and I have gotten into this habit of getting really comfy on the couch about 10:30 at night, and just snoozing away until...well, whenever we wake up. If we have to work or get up early the next day, one of us will eventually work our way upstairs, nudging the other on the way up. But, if there's nothing to get up for? There's a good chance we'll just call it good and stay on the couch all night. Apparently, Ben was fine with leaving me there last night, because I woke up about 5:30 this morning with the t.v. going and the lamps still on. Too late to go to bed! The next thing I knew, Ben was kissing me goodby at about 7:30, and the next thing I knew after that, it was 10:30. I thought I'd better get up.

Wouldn't you know that Romancing the Stone was on t.v., so I couldn't help but sit and watch the rest of it. Romancing the Stone just happens to be one of my favorite movies from growing up. Michael Douglas + Katherine Whats-her-face + the guy who plays El Guapo in The Three Amigos = one entertaining flick! A bowl of cereal, an apple, a Weight Watchers microwave lunch, and a Little Debbie snack cake later (I have weaknesses - lots of them), here I am, sitting at the computer.



Now I have everything I need - my blog, my iPhone, or as I like to call it, my new shameless "time sucker", and a can of Pepsi (weak, I tell you!). Sure, there's plenty to do - balance my checkbook, write some thank-you's, call some daycares, do some cleaning before Ben comes home and realizes I've been a bum all day, actually bathe...

We'll see how it goes - I'm not making any promises. For now, I'll just enjoy getting paid to stay at home in my pj's, and wait for the spirit (otherwise known as guilt) to move me into action.

Hope everyone is safe out there - if you're stuck inside like me, I hope you're making the best of it (or at least enjoying your lazy day)!

HOLLA -

Baby Shots

What started out as this...


became that...


and luckily, I found that...


and amazingly, this!!!


Can you believe...it's now this:


So what will it be? This...


or that??????


:-)

HOLLA -

My Awesome Date with Kate the Great

For her wonderful 5th birthday, I bought my middle niece Kate tickets to go see Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day at the Coterie. I met Kate and my mom at the Garden of Olives (Grandma Linda had to come, too!) and had a delish lunch. Kate's favorite: Spaghetti noodles, no sauce, no meat, just noodles. And a little cheese on top, please.



What does Kate like to talk about at lunch? Movies, of course! Quotes, characters, funny scenes...I have a feeling that in a few years, she'll be rolling out classic movie quotes with the best of the grownups. This kid is funny in a way that is beyond her years...she can definitely hang with the big dogs. She gets stuff that five-year-olds just shouldn't get yet - this is going to come in quite handy when winning friends and influencing people. Life of the party? Kate Martens, no doubt!

On the way down to the theatre, Kate read (okay, paraphrased) Alexander to me. With book in hand, we got to the Center of Crowns and stood in line to get seated.





The show was terrific. The actors did a great job, and the story followed the book almost exactly. Good thing, too, because Kate held on to that book with a death vice grip, and for every scene change, she would frantically flip to the matching page and then turn around to us and say, "IT'S JUST LIKE THE BOOK!" A couple of times she dropped the thing, and you would have thought that the stage curtains were on fire. EMERGENCY! "Mimi! I dropped my book! Down there! Can you get it for me?!?!?!?" Hilarious.

After the show, we headed to the strategically-placed candy store (thanks a lot, Crown Center) to pick up some goodies, and then it was off to Sheridan's for some dessert. If you want to see comedy, watch this kid eat some ice cream.







Next, we headed across the street to climb on some kid-friendly Christmas decoration thingies (that's right), and check out the ice skaters.



It was a fantastic day, and I hope Miss Kate enjoyed it. Grandma Linda ended up taking her home, because they both live up North, so I didn't get to spend much time getting a recap of the day's events. Apparently, it wouldn't have mattered - the birthday girl was passed out most of the way home!

I LOVE YOU, KATE! Thanks for letting me share this special day with you!!!!

xoxo

MIMI