Happy Birthday, Ben!

Last Sunday, October 7th, was Ben's birthday.  He started out sleeping in, and came downstairs to some gifts on the table.  Amelia wrote on her own card, as you can see.  

Then we ate breakfast.  I'd like to tell you that I made Ben a delicious breakfast of his choosing, but that would be a lie.  I suggested French Toast, because it sounded good (and Ben didn't have any requests of his own), and then I suggested that Ben make it because he is waaaay better at making French Toast than me, and I didn't want to botch breakfast on his birthday.  He loves to cook, anyway.  Win-win.  

Then we sat around and did lots of relaxing.  Amelia even shared a bink and a blankie with her daddy.

Then we decided we better get our lazy buns up and do something fun, so we went to the Missouri Town Fall Festival near our house.  It was a beautiful day, and this festival was great. 

There was music, dancing, woodworking, crafts, food, people wearing old stuff pretending to be from a long time ago (I can't remember what those people are called.  Reenactors?), animals, fun kid stuff...it was really great.  There were lots of people playing hammered dulcimers.  I almost died.  In my lifetime, I will own and learn to play one of these very, very well.

 

We also drove around and looked at houses, and even went to an open house.  (We didn't like it.)  I was hoping Ben would choose someplace to eat out for dinner, because I didn't want to cook and I'm always looking for an excuse to go out to eat.  But, in true Ben fashion, he said, "I'm fine with just going home and eating leftovers."  LAME!  But, it was his birthday, so that's what we did.  (Boo hoo.)

I am so proud to call this guy my husband.  He is a wonderful, caring, kind, funny, loving, righteous man who is THE best father to our daughter that I could ever imagine.  And, he loves the heck out of me.  That counts for big points in my book.  

Happy Birthday, Ben...I love you.

HOLLA - 

An Old Friend

I had a dream last night about an old friend.

(Yes, I am blogging about my dreams again.  When you have a 17-month-old who still wakes up occasionally for a binkie check, you tend to stay in that dream state for most of the night.)

Anyway, this is not the first time that I have dreamt about this old friend.  I dream about him every few months or so.  I can go a long time without one and then, all of the sudden, out of nowhere, here it comes.

The dream usually goes something like this.  We are together with our friends, and I see him.  I am worried because I think he is mad at me.  I don't want him to be mad at me anymore.  So I go over and talk to him, or try to make eye contact with him.  Eye contact is funny, if you knew this friend and our stories.

Sometimes in the dreams, he talks to me.  Other times, he just looks at me and gives me a head nod, and that is enough.

I dream about this old friend because there is an open wound in my heart.  Something happened years ago that made him mad at me.  He thinks I contributed to the end of a relationship he was in.  It was destined to end anyway, but the damage was done.  And it's never been the same.

I didn't invite him to my second wedding.  He played and sang in my first.  I don't talk about him when I bring up my best friends.  He will always be one of them.

This old friend has lots of friends.  He is one of those people who attracts other people to him instantly.  I'm sure he has a whole new life now, and I guess I do too.  But he was a huge part of a snapshot in time that was the best time, without a doubt, of my whole life.  

Sometimes I try to contact this old friend, but he never responds.  Today, instead of just feeling sad about it, I emailed him.

"Hi, how are you?  I haven't talked to you in a very long time.  I hope you are well.  If you are ever in town, you are always welcome at my home."

I don't really know what else to do.  Sometimes things happen, and life goes on.  But there are people who I love and care for in the deepest depths of my soul, and because of what we have been through, I can't imagine that love ever dying.

I love this friend.  Even if we never speak or see each other again, and even if he is still mad at me, or even if he simply doesn't want to be my friend anymore, I will always love him.

Someday, hopefully, my wound will be healed.  

HOLLA -

It's a Miracle!

We got an offer on our condo last Sunday.

Ben and I couldn't believe it.  We thought we would never get out of here.  Our realtor told us we better start getting serious about looking for a new house.  I thought, "This is the place in this process I've been waiting to get to for sooooo long."  Then we prayed lots of prayers of thanksgiving.  They were more like shouts and leaps in the kitchen, actually, but I'm guessing God was pleased just the same.

Then I started to worry.  "What if we can't find the right house?  How will we know what school is best for Amelia?  What will our neighborhood be like?  What if our neighbor doesn't take care of his lawn/has a mean dog/parks lots of cars in the driveway/has loud parties?"  This worry overtook my joy.

Then we got some news.  The buyer is a veteran and he wants to take out a VA loan to buy our place.  But our condos aren't VA approved.  This is a problem.  Maybe even a deal breaker.

I see the dream of new home ownership quickly start to fade.  It doesn't look good for this VA loan.  Our realtor starts the process of figuring out how to get our condo home association VA approved.  This could take days/weeks/months/never happen in a million years.

We stop looking for houses.  As my mom said, the "carrot was dangled right in front of our faces" and there was nothing we could do about it.  We waited for news.  All week.

Finally on Friday, I started to forget and relax.  I wasn't checking my phone and email every 30 minutes to see if there were any updates.  When I got home from work, our realtor called.

"He's going conventional," she says.  "He wants to get a VA loan, but he can do conventional.  Things will move quickly now.  Get out there and find some houses."

More dancing in the kitchen ensues.

So what have I learned so far in this experience?  Appreciate and enjoy every moment of the good.  This is not the time to fret over all of the things that could go wrong while looking for and purchasing a new home.  This is a time to be thankful and rejoice because we are most likely getting the !#$% out of here.  We're not out of the woods yet, but things are definitely looking up.  We are going to an Open House today, and will get really serious next Saturday for sure.  This is happening, people.  We may be setting up our Christmas tree this year in our next home.  Thank you, God.

HOLLA -

p.s. - Happy Birthday today to my wonderful husband, Ben.  More on his big day later....

Why Didn't I Get a T-Shirt!?

Remember these characters?  The college buddies I love so much and have so much affection for?

Well, they're all on my list.  I had a dream two nights ago that we were all out of town at someone's wedding, and Abby had some t-shirts made for everyone to wear to the reception. (Good call, Abs.)  :-) And I'm at the reception, with my friends AND my whole family, and in walks this huge group of people with Maria at the helm, wearing these damn t-shirts.  And guess who didn't know anything about it?  Guess who DIDN'T get one?

ME!!!!!

I was so mad and embarrassed.  How was I the only one who didn't know about the t-shirts?  Even BEN had one on!!!!

I went to where my family was sitting at a big round table, and they were all so happy.  I should have just forgotten about the snub and sat with them and enjoyed myself.  But instead, I went back and made ugly faces at all of my friends who were wearing the shirts.  (They weren't even that cool looking.)

I think Abby and Elise were scrambling at this point to find an extra t-shirt, but it was too late.  I was the only loser who didn't get one.

So, to all of my so called "friends" at the wedding, THANKS A LOT.  My feelings were really hurt.  And sorry, mystery couple, for being pissed off at your wedding.  I hope you liked my gift.  I'm sure it was the biggest, most expensive one.

(Hey - it was MY dream, wasn't it?)

:-)

HOLLA -

Our House

Is a very, very, very fine house.  We don't have two cats in the yard, but we daily have turkeys and/or deer that make their way across the field in the back, and it makes us feel like we live in a nature preserve.

It's been a while since we've had any showings.  We may lower our price one more time, but that's it.  If our condo doesn't sell before the holiday run, we'll close up shop and open back up in the spring.

I was going to blog next about how I can't stop looking at other houses online.  I was going to tell you about how I imagine our furniture in them, with holiday decorations on the mantel and Amelia's picture on the wall.  Then I was going to say that I see us in the master bedroom laying on the bed watching t.v., or me in the kitchen preparing meals for family and friend get-togethers.  I was going to say how I often imagine myself unpacking boxes and boxes of sentimental items that have been packed away for over a year, and proudly displaying them on shelves and in cabinets.  I was going to tell you how I picture a manicured lawn, both of our cars in the garage, and flowers lining the sidewalk.

But then I thought of her.

And I remembered that God is perfect, and so is His plan.  And His ways are not our ways.  And His strength is perfect.  And I have the perfect proof of that in my almost 17-month old miracle.

And so I rest in the love of the Father, and know that, even as I sit at this computer on a Sunday night, He is working everything for my good.  It doesn't mean I have to like it, and it especially doesn't mean I have to understand it.  But in the waiting, behind the impatience and daydreaming, God is so good.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes."  Romans 8:28

HOLLA -

Snapshots

I realized at one of Ben's family's recent gatherings that we haven't been so great about getting pictures of Amelia to our family.  I figure by now, that she is almost 17 months old, we should have had four or five studio sessions with her.  We've had two, and they were both awful.  We bought a really nice camera right before she was born, but ever since she turned one, the really nice camera has been replaced by our oh-so-convenient smartphones.  I need to be more intentional about capturing her life in pictures.  So, the other day I took some.

I really want to photo shop the boogers out of her nose, but for now, there they are...an honest close-up of my beautiful daughter.  Some days she literally takes my breath away (boogers included).

Look out, boys.

HOLLA -

If You Ever Want To Get Me Something Really Nice...

They have these wind chimes at a garden nursery near our home.  There must be twenty different kinds, including a ginormous one that hangs from the ceiling that you have to play by grabbing this huge paddle and swinging it through the air.  It is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

These chimes are expensive.  So if you ever want to buy me a nice gift, or happen to win the lottery someday and want to be generous, I'll take one of these.

HOLLA -