2/26/11

Saturday, I woke up to a big fat cold staring me right in the face. Actually, it was inside my face, so I couldn't really see it, but I felt it. All over. One thing about this pregnancy is that, if I get the least bit stressed or tired, or germ-exposed, my body completely shuts down, followed by a week or so of an extreme sinus/congestion nightmare. Ahhh, good times. At least the bambino is still thrashing and thriving. My body is taking care of #1, which happens to be someone other than me at the moment! While I complain at my lack of immunity, I am thankful and grateful for how this process works.

Since I was in such dire straights, Ben went alone to our oldest niece Tess's last basketball game. What kind of husband does this, you ask? MINE! :-)

While Ben was gone, I felt good enough to haul my sick Saturday self to the library where I had a book on hold. Also, L.B. wanted donuts for breakfast. Hey, I don't argue with the kid! I just do what I'm told. :-) I got to the library to discover that not only one, but two books I had held were ready. FANTASTIC! I went from there to the grocery store to get donuts, but also something for dinner, because our cupboards were bare. A roast sounded good, so I got 3 lbs. of meat, a bag of potatoes, a bag of carrots, a can of soup, and some onion packets.

I got home and started throwing stuff in the crock pot just as Ben walked in the door....carrying grocery bags of roast, potatoes, carrots, and onion soup. Without even talking about it, we had both decided to fix a pot roast for dinner, gone seperately to the store, and gotten all of the ingredients. Our kitchen counter was overflowing with about $50 worth of roast fixin's. We had both bought enough food to feed our immediate families, and then some. The best part is, neither one of us could remember fixing a roast in our almost four years of marriage. FOUR YEARS gone roastless, and on the same day, we both decide to make a roast.

We just stood there in disbelief for a long time before we both just busted out laughing. There wasn't anything else left to do! We combined some of mine and some of his, and started roasting away. For the rest of the day, we kept saying things to each other like, "Hey honey - you know what sounds good for dinner? A roast!" or when Ben went to run an errand, I said, "Hey babe, I'm thinking about fixing a roast for dinner. Would you please run by the store and get the stuff on the way home?" Oh boy, those jokes never got old.

After we settled down from our dinner debacle, we got to work on the nursery. Here are some shots of our work in progress:





I can't take much credit here - Ben painted the walls, vacuumed the room, and moved all the furniture around. Finally, we got the crib up (Thanks, Aunt Pam!), and thanks to Ben's brother and sister-in-law, we had the bedding already, so I washed it and put it together.




This was where things got surreal. All this time, we have been waiting and anticipating the arrival of our firstborn. And now, the room was coming together, the crib was assembled, the bedding was on, and we were standing there over what would soon hold our biggest, greatest love and accomplishment. We both just looked at each other and smiled for a long time. It was all really happening! THANK YOU, LORD!!!!

After we found the perfect spot for the crib, Ben went and got the moon that we bought on our honeymoon. This moon was hand carved, and we got to meet the artist who made it, in a small village in St. Lucia. He even carved his initials on the bottom of the moon for us that day. Out of all of the pieces that we could have come home with from that trip, Ben chose the moon, because he wanted something for our nursery someday. I'll never forget that day in St. Lucia, and I'll never forget Saturday, when he took it out of our bedroom, where it has been hanging for three years, and placed it above our baby's crib, where it belongs.




There were many other small things we did that day, like organizing gifts and toys, washing more baby stuff, rearranging furniture in 300 ways before we found a place we liked for it all, etc. etc. Oh! And enjoying our wonderful roast dinner. :-)

It was just a Saturday most like any other, but it was so special, and I'll never forget it. The cold, the roast, the books (one of which I started and finished that day while Ben was doing the hard work), the crib, the moon...all parts of the story leading up to the greatest ending, AND beginning, we will ever know. Both Ben and I will look back on this day and remember how we felt, what we did, and how our lives were never the same afterwards.

I LOVE this story. I can't wait to find out what happens next.

HOLLA -

Last Weekend Recap

Okay, this post is not about the weekend we just had...that post is coming. This post is about the weekend before, which I am just now getting around to blogging about!

Ben went on a hiking/camping trip with his brother and one of his sisters, which left me all alone for the weekend. I had plenty to do, but I'm not a big fan of spending multiple nights by myself at home...it freaks me out. We have huge woods in our back yard, and at night, when I'm by myself, those woods (and possibly, my imagination) stir up some pretty scary things. Last time Ben went camping with his sister, the police ended up at my house because I was SURE that there was someone on the other side of my bedroom door trying to get in. Turns out the windows were open and the air blowing through the house was rattling the doors. Embarrassing, yes. Putting our hard-earned tax dollars to work...absolutely.

So this time, I decided to spend some time at my parents'. On Friday night, though, I needed to stay home, so I called my oldest (and one of my best) friends Carrie for a little companionship. After dinner, she came over to hang out with me - whoopee! We didn't know what we were going to do, exactly...I think she even brought a movie over to watch in case we got bored. Wouldn't you know...we sat on the couch for a good four hours and talked. JUST TALKED! Oh man, I love this girl. She is the kind of friend that never gets distant, never seems disinterested, always has a hilarious anecdote, and always makes you feel...normal. Even though we are both going through different things in our lives right now, we are just SO on the same page with our friendship. When it comes to good friends and what fills up my soul, my relationship with Carrie is a PERFECT example. (It just so happens that our moms are best friends too - wierd. :-) )

Saturday morning I went with my friend Lindsey to a GINORMOUS baby/kids/maternity sale. It was overwhelming, amazing, nerve-wracking, and spectacular, all at once. I've never seen so many women go nuts over so many things. (Keep in mind that I rarely go shopping the day after Thanksgiving.) Anyway, there were lots of nice, big things here, and if you wanted them, you just had to go get a nice volunteer and she would put a nice pink sticker on the item that said, "SOLD". This was great if you nabbed something you wanted but didn't want to carry it around the place. This was not so great if you had your eye on something, only to walk up and inspect it, and find a big fat pink sticker on it already. STINK. We got there not quite an hour after the sale opened, and you would not believe all of the pink tags. I was looking for a bookshelf and changing table as my big items, and neither one of those was found, to my liking. However, I stumbled onto a beautiful navy and creme swing that miraculously did NOT have a pink sticker already! There was this voice inside of me saying "GET IT! GET THE SWING!" So I went to one of the nice ladies and she put a pink sticker on it for me. Good thing, too, because another lady was trying to look at it just as I was staking my claim. Turns out that, along with the swing, there was a beautiful, hardly-used, if at all, matching bouncy seat that came with it! EUREKA! I also ended up with a Moby Wrap (look it up - this is a great find!), some more maternity clothes (including a swimsuit that I about did cartwheels in the aisle over - I have been dying to go swimming!), and a few toys. I felt that this was kind of an awkward time to go to one of these giant consignment sales, since the baby is not yet here, and I am smack dab in the middle of all of my baby showers, so I didn't quite know what to get. Anyway, it was a successful day of shopping, thanks to my good friend Lindsey.

The rest of the weekend was spent with my wonderful, amazing, loving, giving, kind parents. I have much more to say about them, but I'm saving it for a special post. :-)

On to the next weekend....HOLLA!

Happy Valentine's Day....

...TO US!






Isn't it fitting that the car we bought the weekend before Valentine's Day is bright red? We thought so, and so did the dealer. (Of course he did.)

Boy, has it been a long car journey. Ben's car pooped out about a month ago, and what we thought was going to be an easy search for a replacement turned out to be a total nightmare. Toss in a death in the family, total annihilation of our immune systems due to sickness, a third-trimester pregnancy, and a teeny-tiny budget, and you've got a big fat headache.

We were so fortunate on Saturday to find this 2007 Pontiac G6. It didn't meet ALL of the checkpoints on our car "wish list", but it was close enough, and we were wiped out. So, there you have it. This sporty little racer came home with us, and as the buyer's anxiety wears off, we are slowly breathing a sigh of relief and enjoying the newest member of our family.

So what did we REALLY do for Valentine's Day, you ask? After Ben working and me running around getting the new car inspected/licensed/taxes paid and getting extra keys made, we decided to keep it low-profile. We are famous, after all. (No. We're not.)

Ben came home with this...




...on his second trip in from the car. To be honest, I was a little nervous. For the past few years, I have gotten a bouquet from Edible Arrangements, and I was hoping this year would not be an exception, especially in my pregnant, all-craving state. So when he came in the door the first time empty-handed, I tried to put on my fake face. But inside I was crying.

Luckily he went back out to the car and brought in that boutiful beauty of exploding chocolate fruit, and I jumped with joy, before attacking him. And the chocolate-covered strawberries. Normally Ben has this gift delivered to school so I can share it with my co-workers. Unfortunately, Valentine's Day fell on a Monday this year, and I don't work on Mondays. Guess this year's bouquet is all for me, dangit.

We ordered take-out from Outback for dinner (delish!) and brought it home, where we sat and talked about how this would be our LAST Valentine's Day with just the two of us. WOW. I guess that conversation was too much for us, because I fell asleep on the couch at 9:00 and Ben curled up in his sleeping bag and new sleeping pad on the floor. (He's going hiking with family soon, so our house is a little campified right now.) Next thing I knew, it was midnight, and Ben was passed out on the floor, snoring away, and I was way too comfortable to get up and make something out of what was left of our excitement-filled evening.

So, that was our day. It was perfectly wonderful, and after way too much stuff going on in the Haskamp house the past few weeks, it was just what we needed.

Hope yours was happy too....

HOLLA!

New Belly Shots

In the beginning of this pregnancy, Ben and I were determined to take a weekly picture of my growing belly. Unfortunately, we slacked off, and now maybe take a picture every five weeks or so. With the same intention, I also bought a pregnancy book/journal to document every craving, kick, and emotion, but I haven't even cracked the sucker open. I hope my lack of energy towards this is not indicative of what kind of parent I'll be, because in that case, our child may only get fed, changed, and bathed on a very limited basis. Ben was sick the other night and I felt like getting caught up on the belly progression, so here are my lousy attempts at an update.







As you can see, this child is rapidly taking over my physical space. Getting up from a sitting or laying position is always interesting...I don't know why but it helps to make some sort of a grunting sound while getting out of the car or off the couch. I'm sure there is some medical research to back this up.

I'm also noticing that my uterus is taking up space previously occupied by my ribs and lungs, making breathing a real chore. I've heard this gets worse before it gets better.

If it weren't for the utter amazement, joy, and sheer miraculous disbelief that I feel when this child is moving around inside my belly, I would say, "GET THIS KID OUT OF ME." I'm pretty sure I could stand the gestational period of an elephant (22 months, in case you're wondering) if it meant that I could feel and watch this tiny creation kick and squirm around all day. It is the coolest, most awesome thing I have ever experienced, but I could fill up a whole blog post about that.

I think one of the reasons that we mothers get so uncomfortable in the end is because it makes us just that much more excited and ready to have that baby in our arms once and for all. I'm getting to the point where I want to SEE that the baby is fine and good, not just FEEL or GUESS or ASSUME that it is. I want this baby on my chest, to look at and touch and care for. On the outside! I know, "soon enough," you say.

In a few months, when it's wailing and squirming and I'm ripping my hair out, I'll be trying to pay someone to put it back in.

Still though.... :-)

Funny Stuff

My friend Sarah sent me the BEST website on Friday. This is the blog to top all blogs, where pregnancy is concerned. If you have ever been pregnant, are pregnant, know someone who is pregnant, or have been birthed from a womb, you will LOVE this blog. Check out the "best of" section first, but only if you want to pee your pants with laughter.




HOLLA -

Entering the Gates

On Saturday, my uncle Don died. He had been sick for years, and really sick for several months. He had a genetic disease that my grandpa also had, and also died from. Don was my dad's baby brother, the youngest of four kids. Here he is with my Aunt Laureen and cousin Ryan at my wedding.



There are many things I will always remember about my uncle Don. I will remember going out to his house when they lived in Olathe, and getting Pepsi out of a vending machine in their basement. (He worked for Pepsi, by the way.) I will remember Christmases in their living room, sitting by the fire and looking up at the skylights, which I thought was so cool, since we had neither a fireplace nor skylights. I will remember his voice and his way of expressing great emotion, when he thought something was either really great or really not great. I will remember the joy that he brought my dad when he and my dad and my uncle Gene would get together, and cause some sort of loud mischief. I will remember many, many KU games watched in someone's basement, with more laughter, more joy, more merriment.

At his funeral on Tuesday, the chaplain spoke about what my uncle must have been experiencing at that moment, going back to Jesus, the One who created him. I was thinking about his life, and how I don't really know what kind of spiritual journey he had been on, and how he felt about leaving here. I'd like to say that he was at peace with going, and that he was anticipating with great joy his reunion with God.

The truth is, I don't know the answer to any of that.

What the chaplain spoke about is how happy God was that Don was coming home, and how he was being welcomed with open arms. While this filled me with great joy, it also made me wonder how God does greet those of us who are in great stride with Him, those of us who have wandered, and those of us who have heard His call and turned away.

What amazes me, and baffles me, to be honest, is that God loves us just as much when we return as when He first made us, and nothing that happens here and nothing that we ever do here can change that. All of the baggage, all of the bad choices, all of the mistakes...He knows it all and understands it all. Even after 30 years of life, that is still so incomprehensible to me!

I think the reason why I have trouble believing that God accepts all of us is because I still don't think I'm acceptable. And if I'm not acceptable, then how is anybody else? To me, this is the reason why we judge others. In the face of judgement, we quickly point the finger to direct attention at someone else who has surely outdone us in the "guilty" department.

And why do we do this? We make fun because we're afraid of being made fun of. We joke because we would rather point the finger and laugh than be laughed at. We criticize because we fear the criticism. We abandon because we're afraid of abandonment. We exclude because we're afraid we don't belong.

But this is not the way God works! We are all welcome, and there is room for all of us at the table. There's room for my uncle Don, and me, and everyone else, no matter who we are or what kinds of experiences we have gone through here.

So here is what lesson I learned: Don't run from the arms of God. Don't spend your life feeling like you're not good enough, or you don't belong. Nothing surprises God, and nothing can separate us from His love. Ever. I think one of the worst things we could do would be to live our whole lives feeling, for whatever reason, like we aren't worthy of His love and acceptance. Hiding in the shadows, covering the wounds. He loves us so much, and is just waiting for us to turn to Him and run like children into His welcoming arms!

What joy! What peace! What RELIEF.

I can just picture my uncle Don walking with God, with no physical or emotional pain, basking in the light of His grace. I picture him laughing and dancing without the weight of life that held him down here. And I can hear God saying to him, "It's okay. I have always loved you, and I never left you, even on the darkest days."

The good news is, we don't have to wait until we get to Heaven to hear God's voice and to experience this GRACE. It's here for us now! I don't want to wait. I want to break the chains now, and feel weightless in the arms of God. And when I do, I can welcome others to do the same.

This is my new goal...my new assignment.

And I do it for Uncle Don.

HOLLA -

You Can't Make Me.

One of the items on my "to-do" list today was calling daycares. I mentioned this on my last post, and it STILL isn't done. Maybe it's because I'm a procrastinator.

Maybe it's because I love this little person SO MUCH already that I can't imagine leaving him/her with a stranger all day (even though that stranger might be a nice older lady with a gentle touch and a safe, clean home and fun toys and a soft crib and a lovely smile. And she smells like gingerbread.). (Yes, I will find her.)

Maybe it's because I started researching daycares online, and I teared up just looking at pictures of infant rooms.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid that we're going to have to plunk down some major cash to hold a spot at a daycare that we may not even send our baby to, when we are trying to replace Ben's car and pay doctor bills.

Maybe it's because our nursery looks like this...



...and I can only handle one major task at a time.

Maybe it's because I broke down crying talking to some AT&T representative today because he wouldn't help me close down an old email account that someone has hacked into. Emotionally, that phone conversation wiped me out. (Eventually, I broke the AT&T guy. Apparently, pregnancy hormones can work for good as well as evil.)

Whatever the reason, I just can't do it.

(sigh.)

HOLLA -